If your best friend suddenly, without warning, decided to walk away, what secrets of yours do they take? Do you feel betrayed? Are you confused when the initial reason is constantly garnished with additional ones presented to you at random? The one you thought was your best friend has stripped you of your trust. Becoming a best friend involves neither legal contract nor a covenant God declares, so why is friendship longer lasting than marriage?
On my journey, questions needing answers re-circulate in my mind, believing everything happens for a reason. Divorce is only one subject being explored with complete ignorance on the ongoing emotional impact. Stages; shock, sadness, denial, bargaining, anger, betrayal, acceptance, detachment seem to be mine, re-surfacing and changing order. I have accepted their decision and working toward detachment, but betrayal, anger and sadness manifests throughout this new path. Is it possible my life can change so drastically by another person’s decision?
When one partner values the words spoken under God, where two fleshes becomes one, the shock and betrayal is forefront. When another is very light on the subject (being #2), were the signs evident? Religious people stating, “The marriage HAS had many second chances,” are they above what God wanted and are they judges for the children involved? Is the outward persona of being connected to the words of the Bible, just and only that? The statement gives very little value to the covenant of marriage, lacks hope or faith, with selfishness reigning over what marriage truly means.
When one door closes, another opens. With divorce, air will always be able to find its way through the cracks and never sealed completely. Living children are one reason, but secondly are the secrets that can never be shared with another. The secrets or sacred experiences as with losing a baby. Not one other person will ever know what their partner has endured during the turmoil of delivering a stillborn baby into the world. Every couple who lose a baby or child has their own way and even they can never truly relate to another set of parents. The two people who created this child, grieved, shared, remembered and have this connection impossible for outsiders to experience. This is nothing less than sacred and dies along with the covenant.
My thoughts continue to raise questions, awareness and the need to make connections. What is God’s reason for severing this bond? Memories will never be erased or raped from me, but expression of them will, as no other can fathom. God never gives you more than you can handle and we may never know all the little details of His Master Plan, but I will continue to dissect my new reality connecting the dots of my life.