Posts Tagged ‘stillbirths’

If your best friend suddenly, without warning, decided to walk away, what secrets of yours do they take? Do you feel betrayed? Are you confused when the initial reason is constantly garnished with additional ones presented to you at random? The one you thought was your best friend has stripped you of your trust. Becoming a best friend involves neither legal contract nor a covenant God declares, so why is friendship longer lasting than marriage?

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On my journey, questions needing answers re-circulate in my mind, believing everything happens for a reason. Divorce is only one subject being explored with complete ignorance on the ongoing emotional impact. Stages; shock, sadness, denial, bargaining, anger, betrayal, acceptance, detachment seem to be mine, re-surfacing and changing order. I have accepted their decision and working toward detachment, but betrayal, anger and sadness manifests throughout this new path. Is it possible my life can change so drastically by another person’s decision?

When one partner values the words spoken under God, where two fleshes becomes one, the shock and betrayal is forefront. When another is very light on the subject (being #2), were the signs evident? Religious people stating, “The marriage HAS had many second chances,” are they above what God wanted and are they judges for the children involved? Is the outward persona of being connected to the words of the Bible, just and only that? The statement gives very little value to the covenant of marriage, lacks hope or faith, with selfishness reigning over what marriage truly means.

When one door closes, another opens. With divorce, air will always be able to find its way through the cracks and never sealed completely. Living children are one reason, but secondly are the secrets that can never be shared with another. The secrets or sacred experiences as with losing a baby. Not one other person will ever know what their partner has endured during the turmoil of delivering a stillborn baby into the world. Every couple who lose a baby or child has their own way and even they can never truly relate to another set of parents. The two people who created this child, grieved, shared, remembered and have this connection impossible for outsiders to experience. This is nothing less than sacred and dies along with the covenant.

My thoughts continue to raise questions, awareness and the need to make connections. What is God’s reason for severing this bond? Memories will never be erased or raped from me, but expression of them will, as no other can fathom. God never gives you more than you can handle and we may never know all the little details of His Master Plan, but I will continue to dissect my new reality connecting the dots of my life.

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Anita was pregnant with her second baby girl when they found out she had cancer. The symptoms of pregnancy camomflaged this horrible disease ravageing her body.

Anita was my best friend from grade school and lived nearby. We went to school together, played on the same softball team and had sleep overs on the weekends. Both of us attended different high schools and we drifted apart. Later on she married and moved away from Buffalo (our home town) and settled in another state.

I called and talked to her husband because I was planning on making a 12 hour road trip to see her. This was stomach cancer and it was moving fast. She was hospitalized because several other organs had to be removed.

 I could only make the road trip in 2 months and I remember someone telling me that it might be too late. I called her on the phone and this voice was incredibly frail and soft. Was this my girlfriend? I could not believe my ears. I am so glad I had the opportunity to talk to her because she died shortly after. Her daughter was born healthy at approximately 7 months gestation, before Anita passed.

I took it extremely hard because she was my friend, young in age and had her whole life ahead of her with her husband and had 2 precious girls. The youngest daughter would never know her.

I loved her parents and reached out to them after Anita had died. I felt to bad for them. Anita was their eldest child of 3.

A couple of years after Anita died my son also died. Tanner was our first born and died of a cord accident in the womb. He was stillborn and our little angel. I immediately thought of Anita holding my baby in her loving arms as she rocked him to sleep in a beautiful garden in heaven. This vision gave me some comfort which I shared with Anita’s parents, along with a picture of Tanner. They were touched.

I know that heaven is full of  wonderful family members, but having a good friend who was expecting another child cradling my baby was so comforting to me. She knows how to take care of babies and I told Anita’s parents that I am giving Tanner to her until I get there. I know she will love him with all of her heart.

Anita’s birthday is July 9th and I will always have that special day on my calendar. She will be 39 in heaven.

Happy Birthday Anita! I love you Neetz.

Peace Love and Hugs from Above


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Dear Friends & Family:Haven of Hope & Healing is having “A RIDE TO REMEMBER” Family fun day on
Saturday, June 28 at 10 am. We hope you will join us and give your support
of this special event that will raise funds for our non-profit organization.

Here are the details:

This fun-filled event will take place outdoors at Historic Providence Church
in Graham, NC, in the parking lot, which will be closed off and secured for

The morning’s events will begin with “A RIDE TO REMEMBER” ride-a-thon.
Children of all ages are asked to ride their bicycles, tricycles, scooters,
etc. in a designated track area. Prior to the ride-a-thon, ask all your
family, friends, neighbors, acquaintances, etc. to donate money to sponsor
your child (or children) to ride. Every child that raises a minimum of $25
will receive a cool “ride-a-thon” t-shirt. We have created a standard form
that you can send to your family and friends to help you collect your

After the ride-a-thon, the bounce house and games, face painting booths, and
other fun stuff will open. Snow cones, cotton candy, and various treats will
be served. Tickets for all the activities will be available and there will
be awesome giveaways from the Little Gym, The Mad Platter, several kid
friendly restaurants and recreation centers, children’s clothing stores, and
LOTS more!

What is so wonderful about this event is that all contributions are TAX
DEDUCTIBLE. Will you please join us in our efforts? We would greatly
appreciate your support!!!


The Founders and Board of Directors of Haven of Hope & Healing, Inc.


If you are local in this area of North Carolina, please consider attending this event to raise awareness of pregnancy and infant loss. This sounds like a wonderful tribute for babies that left families too soon.

This is the same wonderful support group that helped me through difficult times after loosing Tanner to stillbirth.

Peace Love and Hugs from Above  www.justacloudaway.com


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Flowers, foliage or berries of plants within your babies’ memory garden or plants received as a sympathy gift can be dried and preserved. Early pregnancy losses, stillbirths and infant death are losses with horrific pain to follow. Flowers are the one thing I wanted delivered everyday after the death of our stillborn son Tanner. I love flowers, the colors, the fragrance and just being surrounded by them. Maybe I thought they would have lifted my spirits. They didn’t, however I was able to be visually content while I grieved for my son.


Drying flowers did not enter my mind after Tanner died. Since we have 2 memory gardens for him and several house plants given in his honor, I am able to dry flowers and foliage whenever I’d like.

This is an easy craft and doesn’t require any special tools or knowledge. Flowers reminiscent of your sweet child can be framed, placed onto handmade cards, create bookmarks or placed into shadowboxes in honor of your baby. If you have flowers from your babies’ funeral or memorial service and they have dried already,they are unable to use in crafts at this point. The flowers need to be dry and flexible to be pressed or flattened.


If you do not have a memory garden, pick flowers that remind you of your child, gemstone colors or some favorites you love.


Make sure they are blotted dry with a paper towel. Place the flowers on wax paper and lay another piece on top. Take several books and lay on top to press. I would keep them overnight so they are nice and flat in the morning.

If the flowers are very delicate I use tweezers to move them. I purchased silicon gel to dry my flowers in the microwave within 30 seconds. If you do not purchase drying gel just keep them in the wax paper for several weeks. It is important to remove all excess moisture from the flowers and foliage before creating your tribute memorial. When removing flowers from the gel, use a paint brush to remove the excess gel.


The flowers I’ve chosen are Helleborus (the large purple blooms), Purple-Leafed Plum, Daffodils, Vinca and the foliage of Loropetalum and Gardenia.


I love to emboss and have invested in a light board, embossing tools and templates. You could easily write your child’s name, use stamps and ink, or purchase scrapbooking or wooden letters. A decorative corner punch was also used.


A frame, paint brush, glue and backdrop paper is needed to finish your angel babies’ artwork. Just a dab of glue is painted on the backside of the flowers to hold. If you have a  steady hand, the glue isn’t necessary.


There are some many wonderful crafts to utilize the flowers from your babies funeral, memorial services or those given as a sympathy gift. The blooms provide a tangible memento of your angel baby to frame, create scrapbook pages, handmade cards, or decoupage onto tile and decorative plates.

Preserve your angels’ flowers as a keepsake reflecting your love and their precious life

Peace Love and Hugs from Above  www.justacloudaway.com


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