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Posts Tagged ‘songs’

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Not only does the season effect bereaved parents of pregnancy and baby loss, music may also provoke strong emotions associated with their sweet children. Even before the stillbirth of my son Tanner, I am very moved by the melody and lyrics of certain songs that touch my soul.

Do you remember the songs playing on the radio about the time your little baby became an angel? Did you purchase a music cd to play while rocking your precious baby to sleep? Was there a certain song sung or played at your child’s memorial service, funeral or memory garden dedication? Are there holiday carols ringing in your ears department stores played when you were grieving the loss of your baby?

Yes, to all of the above.

I purchased a lullaby cd months before Tanner was born. I pictured myself holding him in my arms while he fell asleep listening to the soothing songs and rocking him. I will listen to this cd when I feel like crying or am just in melancholy mood.

Tanner was stillborn September 28th and I can remember 2 songs that played over and over again on the radio. “My Immortal” by Evanescence and “Fallen” by Sarah McLachlan. My cries started from the depths of my soul and by the time they reached my exterior I was exhausted and needed to sleep. I could not compose myself when these songs played and also have a difficult time today.

Ave Maria is a beautiful song included on the lullaby cd I purchased just for Tanner and me. I would play this song over and over in anticipation of cradling my son in my arms. A church member also sang this for me at Tanner’s Memorial Service and I was so touched.

Christmas was only 3 months after Tanner’s death and I remember hearing “Mary did you know” being sung and had to walk out of the church. I am the emotional type anyway with everything on my sleeves for all to see, that’s me. When the death of my first born child sits on top of my forearm and a song reminiscent of him is played, my sadness can be read a mile away.

Annie Lennox is a musical artist and was the lead singer of the Eurythmics back in the 80’s. I loved her music because it was so powerful. I had no idea that the song “Angel” was for her stillborn child. When I was a teenager I didn’t care about anything but myself, let alone a musician whose child died. How different things are now. If you listen to her singing this song “Angel”, it is truly from her broken heart.

The music, the lyrics, the song titles that bring you and your baby together are another element to include when scrapbooking  or creating keepsakes remembering your baby in heaven.

What are the songs that bond you and your baby?

Peace Love and Hugs from Above  www.justacloudaway.com

Diana

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A poem may seem like something you could not possibly accomplish for your bereaved friend, but you can. Poems can come straight from your heart embracing all the love you and your friend has for her baby so sadly missed.

I wrote a very simple poem just days after the stillbirth of my son,”Proud Father and Stillborn Son Share Birthday’s“. This poem consists of short words or phrases lined down the page capturing the feelings I had at that time.

My girlfriend wrote a poem or short story about our stillborn son, Tanner. Receiving this “Love Memorial™” from her absolutely touched me beyond words. She loves him too. “If He Could Tell You…”.

Journaling is such a healing activity. It provides an outlet to express your emotions that sometimes are difficult to say in words. If you wrote in your journal about the loss of your friend’s baby, go back and read it again. Now read an entry about your bereaved friend weeks, days or months later. Did the two of you have coffee at your favorite restaurant? Did you take a walk in the park? Did you provide her a shoulder to lean on? Did you think about what your friend’s baby is doing in heaven? Was there a song or soothing music cd you purchased for her? Now think about how your relationship with your girlfriend has changed for the better. Maybe it’s the closeness you feel towards her and the loss of her child.

These are all things to embrace when you are composing a poem for your grieving friend. Don’t think this is an overwhelming task. Gather all the information about the deceased infant and your friend before beginning your poem. Start by selecting the important words describing your feelings for her baby, her wonderful and nurturing characteristic and how her baby may have touched your heart if the child was here. This heartfelt poem will be a “Love Memorial™” treasured for life.

To help you even further, you may want to view, “The Season Your Baby Died and Became an Angel“, “Photographs Remembering Angels-Sky Journals“, and “Zodiac Signs for Miscarried Babies“.

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Your beautiful words can be added to the child’s scrapbooks or shadowboxes as a tribute to your friend and her beloved angel baby.

A poem of hope to my baby Tanner

While we were dreaming of your baby ways

God was planning your heavenly days

While we wept when we were alone

God rejoiced because you were home

Loving you always my little Tanner Nanner

Love Mommy

Peace Love and Hugs from Above  www.justacloudaway.com

Diana

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Not only is the date of a baby or child’s death an emotional time for bereaved parents, also the season. Anxiety is usually present long before the tragic angelversary. The colors, the temperature, the amount of daylight, the landscape and possibly the holiday (songs and music playing on the radio) that are associated with the infants passing. Early pregnancy losses may even be overlooked by those surrounding greiving families.

Christmas is reminiscent of my girlfriends miscarried baby, Valentine’s Day is reminiscent of my girlfriend’s stillborn son, summer is the season of my girlfriend’s ectopic pregnancy, springtime is reminiscent of my girlfriend’s aborted baby of 15 years ago and autumn is reminiscent of my stillborn son’s death.

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It is never expected for others to know the intense grief of loosing a baby or the altered vision as a family together, just acknowledgement of pain and their sweet child.  Maybe you thought about your child playing with mine, maybe you thought about sharing toys and clothes, maybe you thought about another grandchild attending church with you, maybe you thought about hanging another stocking for them, maybe you thought about having another niece or nephew to buy presents for, maybe you thought about just loving another child within the circle of your life. Ignoring death can lead to hostile feelings because in a way, the choice has been made to minimize their baby. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness is gaining momentum, but we have a long way to go. The month of October is not only for us, but also Cancer Awareness, sometimes overshadowing our babies. Many pink ribbons are distributed, but when you see a pink and blue ribbon, babies are remembered too.

fall-3-c1.jpgOur seasons are just as important for remembering our children no longer with us. Every autumn is bittersweet for me. I was pregnant soon after the death of my son with another boy. My living son and my deceased son’s birthday’s(also my husband’s birthday) are 2 weeks apart. I grieve first for my angel, I then must prepare for my living child’s birthday party and hayride.

I am not looking for closure and I am not looking for sympathy, I am looking for acknowledgement of my deceased child that has blessed me beyond words. Don’t be afraid to mention his name. Yes, a tear may fall, but it would mean so much. If you don’t have the strength to do so, include his name in the cards you send me, please.

If you send a sympathy card or “Love Memorial™”, think about the child’s season too. Beautiful seasonal images can be incorporated into scrapbooks and memory gardens for babies gone too soon.

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Peace Love and Hugs from Above  www.justacloudaway.com

Diana

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