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Posts Tagged ‘Parents of Angels’

The angelversary date has no rules. For us it is the day Tanner’s stillborn body laid in my arms (also my husband’s birthday), for my girlfriend it was the day of her D&C, for another, her child’s expected due date.

Once the month of August hits, my anxiety starts building. September 28th is Tanner’s angelversaryand for years I have become very tense beginning in August ending in October. Maybe because October 1st was Tanner’s memorial service and October 14th was his expected due date. Now that I am on Citalopram, anxiety levels shouldn’t be unbearable for my family.

Tanner’s first angelversary we had a few close friends over for cake. I had both Tanner and Todd’s name on the cake and we sang to both. My girlfriend brought balloons to tie onto Tanner’s memory garden cross which started this tradition. Even if we do not have a cake, it is a new tradition for my husband and myself to visit Tanner’s memory garden with balloons for his cross. I also like to bring his journal to the memory garden and write a letter wishing my angel a happy birthday in heaven.

One of my girlfriend’s started a new tradition for her baby’s angelversary by visiting her stillborn child’s grave bringing flowers and also placing flowers at the graves of other deceased babies. Another friend makes a donation to the pregnancy loss support group that was very supportive in her healing. Another tradition is assembling care packets for the homeless and inserting a small note- in loving memory of our deceased child.

What ways do you remember and honor your baby’s angelversary?

Peace Love and Hugs from Above  www.justacloudaway.com

Diana

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I so love my girlfriends with all of my heart. I am so appreciative for how they supported me when my son Tanner was stillborn. 80% of my friends were either pregnant or just had their babies at the time of Tanner’s death. Doesn’t it seem to always work out that way.

One of my friends actually came to the hospital the day after Tanner passed wearing a bright yellow t-shirt carrying in a dozen yellow roses just for me. Those roses were the only thing I carried away from the hospital. She helped me to the bathroom and we laughed at my butt just hanging out of the loose fitting garments they so kindly provided. I don’t remember any tears at this point, maybe I was still in shock as well as my girlfriend.

I want to share this beautiful poem she wrote for my husband and me of hope and faith. My friend’s mother also had a son that died and he was my girlfriend’s older brother she never had the opportunity to meet. You never know how many people are touched by pregnancy and infant death until it happens to you.

This poem was also read at my son’s memory garden dedication.

If He Could Tell You…..

I’m sure if he could tell you, “Thank You,” he would. I’m sure he would want you to know that he loved being a part of your lives even though brief. He remembers the belly rubs, soothing sounds of your voices, and the adrenalin of wanting him so badly.

I’m sure if he could, he’d tell you..he’s with you forever. He will remember you both in his own angelic way, watching over you, holding onto your souls with his little hands and never releasing. He’s all around you, touching your thoughts and hugging your memories. He smiles and laughs to comfort you each day you feel sad. He’s happy for your strength and needs your hope to help him fly.

I’m sure if he could tell you, “Thank You,” he would, For all the powerful love, for remembering him, for holding him when he was born and missing him when he became your angel. He knows he is your combined, manifested pure love and he is your hope.

He’s the light in your window, he’s the hope in your heart, he’s the baby angel that throws the first snowflake upon your face- his kiss to Mommy and Daddy. Just know that the smiles on your faces help him get through his day, too, and he knows you love him, knows you miss him, and wants you to know that he’s watching over you both. If he could tell you..I know he would.

12-16-03 Melanie Johnson Isayev
A good friend of Diana

Peace Love and Hugs from Above

Diana  www.justacloudaway.com

 

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You really have no idea when the tears will flow until you are right smack in the middle of it.

I decided to attend church on a Saturday, by myself. I just wanted a little alone time with God. I just listened to the choir practice and stared toward the alter at the beautifully lit Christmas trees. The last time I was here on a Saturday was 4 years ago, after the stillbirth of my son Tanner. I just showed up at this church because I was so depressed and wanted to pray. It is strange that I never put 2 and 2 together because I have never attended church on a Saturday here. After I composed myself, I see a woman carrying a pitcher of water down the aisle. This could only mean one thing, a baptism. I fought the tears again. Sweet little Tanner should have been up there 4 years prior.

I have talked to other women that have lost children, pregnancies and babies over 20 years ago and they too have tear triggers. They did say that their living children know when mom leaves the room that another child is being missed.

I cry and like to cry. I feel so much better afterwards. This is one way we as parents of angels are changed for life, tear triggers or just situations where are angels are so close to us.

Peace Love and Hugs from Above  www.justacloudaway.com

Diana

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