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Posts Tagged ‘greensboro’

How many children do you have?

The dreaded question and the guilt surrounding it could be overwhelming. The hesitation of the parent being questioned is much more than a mere pause. A child born (subsequent pregnancy) after or before the loss of a baby is recognized as an integral part of the family, in most homes.

My subsequent pregnancy was another son and he is well aware of his older brother. He is now six and draws pictures of our family, including Tanner.

When in preschool, he was asked how many brother’s or sister’s he had.

As you can see the teacher painted white out over the number one, for how many brothers he had. In a way, Tanner dies again. I do not blame the teacher, but if a child acknowledges a deceased sibling, they should too.

I asked my six-year-old about this questionnaire and he said, “Yes, I told her I had a brother named Tanner and he died.”

What you tell someone in the grocery line may be different from telling someone who works out at the same gym as you, it is your decision. We only do the best we know how and what feels right for the family.

The warmth inside my heart is tremendous when my 6-year-old wants to let a balloon go up to Tanner, draw a picture of him or just ask how he is doing.

People ask, “Doesn’t it make you sad talking about him?” No, I choose to remember my angel son because I love him and that love is manifested through me in my willingness to help, give, and support others. It is nothing but positive energy and it’s all because of Tanner.

How many children do you have?

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When my baby Tanner passed September 28, 2003, sympathy flowers were delivered almost every day for a month. Scruggs Florist in Greensboro, North Carolina delivered the most because they were located less than a mile away from our house. 5 1/2 years later I am helping the florist create an appropriate sympathy basket for bereaved parents of baby and pregnancy loss.

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The grief from pregnancy and infant loss is an overwheming sadness where parents often suffer in silence. If this type of loss hasn’t happen to you, it is difficult to understand. Acknowledgment of a much wanted baby is one step towards supporting bereaved parents.

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Scruggs Florist now carries a sympathy basket for the death of a baby and for angelversaries. The sympathy gift includes:

1 Indoor Plant
1 Azalea Plant
1 Basket
1 Just a Cloud Away Remembrance Kit
1 Plant Care Sheet
1 Zodiac Sheet
1 Memory Garden Tip Sheet
1 Scrapbook Tip Sheet
1 Pamphlet-Ways to Comfort Bereaved Parents
1 Pamphlet-What not to say to Bereaved Parents

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1 out of 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and 26,000 stillbirths occur every year in the United States. If you know of a bereaved couple who has suffered the loss of their angel, you may want to think about sending a sympathy gift for the angelversary or death date. There are not too many loving parents that ignore this special and tragic date.

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There are many supportive gifts included in the Scruggs Florist sympathy basket for grieving parents. There are also ideas for those supporting and comforting them.

Remembering all baby angels….

Peace Love and Hugs from Above

Diana http://www.justacloudaway.com

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If you live in the Piedmont Triad Area, there are 2 support groups I would recommend. Heartstrings, located in Winston-Salem or Greensboro and Haven of Hope and Healing, located in Burlington/Graham North Carolina.

After 3 years of attending Haven of Hope and Healing after the stillbirth of my son, my spirits were renewed. Although we don’t participate in the support group meetings, we are still involved with the group by donating money, attending the memory tree service at Christmastime, writing articles for the quarterly newsletter honoring Tanner, and playing in the annual golf tournament.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and is the time when support groups are acknowledging your angel babies. You may want to think about participating and possibly starting a new tradition honoring your children in heaven.

Below is information for Haven of Hope and Healing’s Golf Tournament

The sixth annual Darrell Kirkpatrick Moser, III Memorial
Golf Tournament is scheduled for Friday, October 3, 2008.
The captain’s choice tournament will tee off at 1:00 pm at Quaker
Creek Golf Course in Mebane. Awards and dinner will follow.
The cost for golfers is $50 per person or $200 per foursome. There
are sponsorship packages available: $200 corporate sponsor, $100
hole sponsor. Please contact us for more details. Also, if you have a
business that would like to donate prizes, please let us know. A
registration/donation form is included in this newsletter.
We are in need of volunteers, please let us know if you
would like help out.

Become a Part of Hope Notes-quarterly newsletter for bereaved parents and families

Your input is important to the content of our newsletter.
We encourage you to share your ideas, thoughts, feelings,
poetry or stories to be printed in future issues. We welcome
submissions for our newsletter via mail or email. When
submitting, please follow these guidelines: Provide title,
author, loss information, and parent’s name(s) wherever
applicable.
• If you would like to make a monetary donation or donation
of materials for our lending library in memory of your baby,
you may do so and have it printed in the newsletter. Please
send your check made payable to Haven of Hope & Healing,
Inc. to our post office box with the following information:
Name in memory or in honor of, name of donor, state
whether for anniversary, birthday, or other special
occasion, and any special message you’d like to include.
Remember all contributions are tax deductible.
• Have you had a safe arrival of a baby since a previous
loss/losses? Please submit the good news for future issues.
Include baby’s name, date, weight, etc., parents names,
along with heavenly siblings names.

Subscribe to hope notes-

 

Peace Love and Hugs from Above
Diana

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 Suggestions to help you, your spouse and your heart on this journey many couples face dealing with infertility.

Charmaine Purdum

Guilford County Coalition on Infant Mortality Coordinator

1203 Maple Street 3rd Floor

Greensboro, NC  27405

Phone:  336-641-6775  Fax:  336-641-6971

Creating Futures, One Baby At A Time”

Infertility Survival Tips

Be as informed as possible during your journey with infertility.  Doctors don’t always have the answers! Research your condition online, but be careful to get your information from reputable sites.

Decide your limits (morally, physically, spiritually, and financially) before you go for treatment.  Put them in writing and share them with your doctor.  This will help you stick to your limits when the pressure is on.

Don’t take everything others say to heart.  People will say the most awful, stupid, hurtful things.  Expect it, and remember: they (like all of us) are doing the best they can.

Make sure you understand your insurance coverage and the state laws that apply to coverage of fertility treatments.   

 If you’re not happy with your doctor, change right away.  You need to be understood, be able to ask questions, and not feel threatened or challenged.

 Find support.  Your family and friends are important, but they can’t replace the value of sharing with other couples who are facing the same fight against infertility.  Seek our support groups in your church, community, and on the Internet.

Don’t let life pass you by while you are waiting to become a parent.  It would be better to cancel plans at the last minute than to let opportunities to enjoy your life, and your spouse slip away while you wait. 

Laugh when you want to laugh and cry when you want to cry.

Give yourself the freedom to grieve.  The inability to have a child is a loss.  It’s okay, even healthy, to grieve that loss.  Don’t allow people to stop the process by telling you to stop making a fuss.

Try to have your husband or another support person with you at doctor visits.  You never know when you might receive upsetting news, and it helps to have someone there to comfort you.

If your marriage suffers because of infertility, get help early!  My husband and I found that our infertility problems were tearing us apart.  Getting professional help was the best thing we’ve ever done for our marriage.

Be selective when telling others about your infertility.  Many of us have lived to regret making our struggles common knowledge among family and friends. 

Take 400-800 milligrams of ibuprofen an hour or so before an HSG or endometrial biopsy.  It really helps lessen the discomfort.

Don’t waste time being treated by a gynecologist who claims to also treat infertility.  The only doctors who have the extra years of training in infertility treatments are reproductive endocrinologists.  Go straight to the specialist.

Try to rest in the Lord and wait for his timing and will.  Remember to enjoy life right now.  Take a walk, and see the beauty and the gifts God has bestowed upon you.

Don’t feel bad about feeling bad.  Infertility is lousy.  It’s normal to hurt.

If you need to stay home from a family gathering, baby shower, or even a birthday party, do it.  Don’t feel guilty.

Hold onto the Lord with all your mind, body, and spirit.  Honestly, he’s our only hope!

Remember, this is not a sprint, but a marathon. 

 Keep a prayer journal to express your hurt and frustrations.  And read good books that will help develop you maturity during this tough time.

Remember, there is a bigger picture that we aren’t capable of seeing just yet.  Though the pain is real and heartbreaking, the rest of the story will be glorious and beyond our comprehension.

Unless someone has experienced or is experiencing infertility, don’t pay attention to their cliches or simple answers.

Include your husband in the grieving process.  Open up to each other regarding what each of you are going through.

See a fertility counselor if you can.  This wonderful woman kept me from losing my head.

The dreams have shattered, but not the spirit.  Allow God to comfort and support you.

Consider infertility like other trials we face in life – know God has allowed it (Job 1:6-12); don’t be surprised by it (1 Peter 4:12); and remember that it’s working in you an “eternal glory that far outweighs them all” (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).

The above excerpts are taken from Empty Womb, Aching Heart  (Hope and Help for Those Struggling with Infertitlity), by Marlo Schalesky

Infertility is another type of grief minimized by soceity. These helpful suggestions are provided by a women whose heart has been broken several times and also pieced back together by love. Couples experiencing infertility issues may also have had to endure another type of grief-pregnancy loss. Infertility and pregnancy losses should not be minimized because those children were very much loved long before trying to conceive.

Peace Love and Hugs from Above  www.justacloudaway.com

Diana

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Many Churches will allow members and parishioners to select a small piece of Church grounds to create a memory garden. This is ideal if you live in a town house, condominium or an apartment and have no land to plant. Most Churches welcome these gardens because great care is taken in nurturing them. This will also help cut down maintenance costs for the church

Shortly after the stillbirth of our son Tanner, we joined St. PiusX Church and also their garden committee. We then got started creating Tanner’s Memory Garden in a high traffic area that had an existing holly tree in the middle. 

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We planted several different plants testing which varieties perform the best without being irrigated. Winecups, Lamb’s Ear, Dianthus, Lenten Rose (for winter blooms), Daffodils, Lavendar, Boxwoods, Garden Phlox, rose Campion, Anenome, Pincushion Flower, Candytuft and Salvia. After a severe drought in Greensboro last year we know what plants will work best.

Not only did we plant his garden, we installed a mortared stone bench perfect for a child. It was very difficult the first several months seeing other children running through Tanner’s garden, stepping on plants and pushing to sit on the bench. I have eased up quite a bit, however it still annoys me having to pick up cigarette butts and trash from his garden.

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Greensboro, NC is located in planting zone 7 , so we are able to grow annuals throughout the year providing year round color in Tanner’s garden. We plant pansies in the winter and periwinkle, marigolds and begonias in the summer months.

4 years after the creation of Tanner’s memory garden, many members are now aware of the reason for its existence. Life is so incredibly precious even in physical absence.

Peace Love and Hugs from Above  www.justacloudaway.com

Diana

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Statuary, Garden Fountains, Monuments, and other pieces for your angel’s memory garden should be properly placed within your landscapes to add beauty and serenity. There is a correct way to install your angel babies’ statuary to avoid a cluttered and detached garden. I hate to be a stickler, but you really don’t want your child’s statue leaning to one side or placed in the garden without being complimented by beautiful plants.

Without getting too technical, garden statues, monuments and art pieces should adhere to some principals and elements of good design. Most pieces are focal points or accents within the gardens. In other words, your eye is drawn to the most unique element of a garden first. This is called the focal point. An accent piece is the secondary visual to compliment the focal statuary or fountain. In a relatively small area there should be only one focal point and possibly 2 or 3 accents. The cross in Tanner’s garden is our focal point and other smaller statues are the accents.

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For a better understanding, think about focal points within residential homes. Fireplaces, tabletop centerpieces or a painting on a wall could be focal points. These focal points do not stand alone, or shouldn’t and are usually complimented with accessories. The accessories used in the landscape and gardens are plants. The objective is to soften the art pieces, fountains and statuary by using plants to create a beautiful unity to the earth. This will give your garden a more natural scenario. Creeping Jenny is a plant used here to create a bed of soft green leaves for the angel baby statue to lie upon.

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Plants are also used to draw your eye into the piece called an allee. Many people create an allee to highlight their homes by lining the drive with many trees of the same variety. An allee of lavender brings your eye to the angel statue at the end of the walk.

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It won’t matter if you paid $1000 for your babies’ water feature, memorial statue, or monument if it is installed incorrectly by standing crooked. A good solid base is needed for your babies’ art piece. We in Greensboro, NC are prone to drought-like conditions where the ground dries up and shrinks the soil structure. This will cause garden art to sink and become cockeyed. Think about a concrete slab, compacted stone gravel or another hard material that will not give way to the weight of your child’s focal point.

Remember these suggestions for your babies’ garden statue:

  • Provide a strong base
  • Use plants to visually connect your piece to the earth
  • Use plants to soften your monument at the base or cascading down its sides
  • Use plants to draw your eye by creating an allee
  • Provide year-round color by incorporating annuals with your child’s art piece (In the Greensboro, NC area we have pansies in the winter and whatever our hearts desire for summer annuals)

There are more suggestions on remembering your baby that has passed from miscarriage, SIDS, stillbirth and other tragic pregnancy and infant losses at “The Season your Baby Died and Became and Angel“, “Zodiac Signs and Gemstones for Miscarriage and Pregnancy Losses“, and “Planting Helleborus in Gardens Remembering Babies“.

Pregnancy Loss Memory Gardens Blooming White” provides many plant varieties to use in a babies’ garden. There is nothing purer than a sweet little baby.

Peace Love and Hugs from Above http://www.justacloudaway.com/

Diana

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The sadness I felt after loosing my stillborn son and 2 early pregnancy losses was overwhelming. I needed to talk to a man of God because nothing was easing my pain. I hadn’t attended the Catholic Church in so many years that I felt guilty going back. So I tried connecting with a pastor of another faith.

This was a big mistake. I emailed this man of God, asking if I could come in and talk about my losses  and the depression taking over my spirit. I quickly received an email stating that he would love to talk to me but that he didn’t take appointments on Saturday’s. Was I hearing this correctly? I could be a potential member. Was the church full? Did he not want to hear my problems? If this man had no interest in me, who would?

I feel sorry for the members of this church. If you died or had a life threatening illness and needed prayer on a Saturday, was he playing golf? Did he have pressing matters other than the people that paid his salary?

I am well over this event and it was God’s plan. I wasn’t intended to be consoled by him or join his church.

I spent an afternoon driving around looking for a church I saw on a billboard. I never could find it because I wasn’t blessed with the gift of “good directional skills”. However, I did find Saint PiusX in Greensboro, North Carolina.

I just wanted to be inside of a church to pray. I thought that being within a house of God that the requests I made could be heard easier.

Walking in was uncomfortable to begin with. There were several people sitting in this room, which was very quiet. I then saw a person get up and walk through a door after another had exited. Oh my, this was confessional time. Do I walk out or stay? I made it this far, so I stayed and waited for my turn to meet a stranger that would have tremendous impact on my healing.

My fear led me here and my fear helped me to heal.

God and my new church family are now in my life and that is the way it’s supposed to be. I am home.

Peace Love and Hugs from Above  www.justacloudaway.com

Diana

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