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Posts Tagged ‘balloon’

5 years ago was the worst day of my life when Tanner was pronounced dead at the hospital. I would have never thought I’d be acknowledging my sweet son’s 5th birthday in his memory garden.

When you loose a baby, these times are not easy to endure. Tanner would be going to kindergarden and making new friends, playing t-ball, and just being a beautiful 5 year old little boy. They are the same milestones parents of living children think about.

My grief was not overwhelming this year as previous years. Maybe it has something to do with the medication I am on from being diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Whatever the case, I still couldn’t bring myself to attend church yesterday. That is a place where my grief creeps up on me and I am trapped within crowds of people with my eyes at full capacity with tears. We spent a quiet day at home.

It has been a tradition to fly a brightly colored balloon in Tanner’s Memory garden on his angelversary. I always wished that the store clerk would ask me whose birthday are you celebrating with this beautiful balloon. It hasn’t occured yet.

We also hung a beautiful blue angel ornament. The angel ornament complimented the beautiful blue sky and white fluffy clouds.

Since my husband and Tanner share birthday’s, my parents put a little extra cash in his envelope to purchase something for Tanner’s Memory Garden. My husband made a good choice with the ornament of an angel.

Every year my dear Uncle sends a birthday card addressed to both Tanner and my husband. Something as small as writing my stillborn son’s name is a great feeling of warmth.

Last evening my in-laws brought a metal flower to place in his garden.

Tanner is not physically here but his presence certainly is. Tanner’s Memory Garden was included in a SANDS newsletter in Australia………………on his 5th birthday. Thank you Pauline.

Happy Angelversary Honey

Mommy Loves You Always

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Yesterday was the day before Christmas Eve and a little hectic. My 3 year old son was so excited about everything happening around him that I just could not believe what he did.

We had some last minute shopping to do after church and before his nap, so it was rush, rush, rush. As we were leaving the grocery store we noticed several helium balloons at the end of the check out line. My son noticed them too:) There was also a sign that said “FREE”. So we grabbed one and headed to the car. While we were driving home he told us that he was going to give it to Tanner (our first stillborn child). I really could not believe my ears. In all of this chaos he was thinking of his brother in heaven.

We arrived home and he sent the balloon off to Tanner. He later told us that when Tanner is finished with it he could give it back. “Yes indeed honey, Tanner will give it back when he is finished.”

My living son has no idea what a memory he made for me at that moment. Christmas 2007 Tanner received a balloon from his little brother who only knows that he is an angel living with Jesus.

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