A Pastors Love for a Son and Stillborn Baby

Pastor Cecil came to the hospital as soon as the community heard of Tanner’s death. We had never met this man before and with his tremendous faith in Jesus and love for Tanner, came to comfort us in our time of absolute devastation.

My husband and I did not belong to a church at the time of Tanner’s death. Pastor Cecil had just started his ministry at my in-laws church, Pleasant Union United Methodist in Liberty, North Carolina.

He later came to our house to pray with us and just sit beside me as I cried. It made me feel so good to have this man of God in my house where our little boy began his short life in my womb. His soft voice, his words and his gentle nature helped my family in this delicate time of grief. Even though he did not know us or Tanner, there were tears in his eyes.

Pastor Cecil offered to give a memorial service for us, honoring our precious angel. He and another Pastor gave a wonderful service and spoke of the love and of how Tanner touched so many lives without a physical presence. He wrote a letter addressed to us from Tanner that touched my soul.

One paragraph reads:

There’s a part of me that wishes God would give me back to you. I don’t know why I can’t be with you. After all, there are plenty of angels here in heaven to do all the work. But, what I do know is that someday we’ll all be together here in Heaven. So, just take Jesus’ hand, I’m holding the other one. Sometimes the hand of Jesus comes to you in the hand of a pastor, or a next door neighbor, a church member, a co-worker, a family member and sometimes through the hands of a stranger. Reach out for the hand of Jesus, and you will be close to God and close to me. You see God, wants to hold us all, especially in sad times like now.

I only wish I could help him now in his time of grief like he helped me. His sweet son was killed a few days ago in a car accident. His eldest son in his early 20′s is now with Jesus. Even a man of God with tremendous faith will grieve the loss of his child. Cecil, I will pray for you and your family as you did for us. I just found out Tanner and your son’s birthday are but a day apart. September is a time where nature and flora are slowly coming to a rest, rich colors of autumn are transforming the landscapes and the scent of wood burning fires and aroma of pumpkin spice candles will have new meaning, as life with Jesus begins for our children. 

Pastor Cecil was very instrumental in our memory garden dedication for Tanner the following May. I will plant another perennial to honor his precious son.

We love you very much Cecil

Peace Love and Hugs from Above  www.justacloudaway.com

Diana

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The Birth of My Stillborn Baby-Part 8

At this point in the grieving process I was  in “SHOCK”. They tell me my baby had died, but I need proof. Even though with my own 2 eyes I saw no movement on the sonogram screen, I had an ounce of hope. It is possible that the machine was malfunctioning. State of shock means; in space, cannot focus, numb, not many tears, and cannot feel physical pain. Was this only the first stage of many that we must go through?

I did not talk much and neither did my husband. I know people had asked if they could get me something or anything. There wasn’t one thing I wanted more than to see my sweet baby dead or alive. I wanted to hold him and I was ready. I was certainly scared but ready.

When I was in shock it felt much like a dream. I had the similar feeling when I received the phone call that my friend had been shot and murdered. He was just at my house 2 weeks ago for dinner. I had to see my friend and my son in order to process the information. I have always been a very visual person anyway. When it comes to the death of a loved one I am sure many feel the way I did. I live several miles away from my immediate and extended family and when someone passes and I cannot make the funeral, it is very difficult for me to remember they have died.

Nurse Tara continually pressed the button releasing morphine. I didn’t feel anything anyway. But as the hours dragged by I did think about the pain my parents were feeling 700 miles away. I know they were suffering. Several years ago my husband accidentally severed his finger off with the table saw. After bringing him to the doctor I frantically called my parents to help me figure out how to disassemble the saw to retrieve his finger. My mother later told me she walked down the stairs and my father was crying because he was unable to physically help me. I could only imagine the grief in their hearts with this news.

There is a definate correlation between shock and processing a visual fact. This connection may be more difficult for those suffering early pregnancy loss, miscarriage, ectopic or molar pregnancies. The silent grief, as they call it. What visual is being processed here? A picture of a motionless sonogram screen, another pregnancy test without showing 2 pink lines, a mass of bloody tissue, or a doctor’s chart labeled “fetal demise”.

The Birth of my Stillborn Baby-Part 1

The Birth of my Stillborn Baby-Part 9

Peace Love and Hugs from Above  www.justacloudaway.com

Diana

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Scrapbooking and Memorializing Infant and Pregnancy Loss

Our children who have died as a result of miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS and other tragic pregnancy losses are still a part of our family unit. There are so many beautiful ways to keep their memories close to our hearts through the art of many crafts. Remember your angels by creating something just for them. 

Poems, sky journals, zodiac signs, music, the season, nature, and other elements can help you tell and preserve your child’s story. Share your feelings as a family and participate in the creation of this special and unique keepsake forever treasured, honoring your baby.

 Please visit  Additional Memorial Ideas with images.

 Suggested Scrapbooking Supplies to Start Your Babies’ Memorial: 

• Scrapbooking adhesive (glue, dots, tabs)
• Scissors or razor blade and surface to cut on
• Colored Cardstock (the colors of your child’s essence)
• Pen to journal with (scrapbook safe- will last longer)

 Other Embellishments could include: 

• Glitter
• Gemstones
• Ribbons

• Decorative Cording
• Brads, Eyelets, Flower Pins
• Yarn
• Buttons

• Patterned Papers
• Colored Ink

 Before Starting your Child’s Keepsake, Gather Everything in One Place: 

• Mementoes
• Shower Invitations
• Pictures or Fingerprints of Other Family Members to include
• Piece of Baby Blanket
• Lyrics to a Special Song
• Letters to Your Baby
• Dried Funeral Flowers
• All Relevant Dates
• Positive Pregnancy Test (or picture of)
• Sonogram Pictures
• Lock of Hair or Sachet of Ashes
• Journal Entries
• Note the Sounds and Fragrance Reminding You of Them
• Wedding Photographs
• Religious Keepsakes
• Sympathy or Congratulation Gifts or Cards

 After looking through craft, card or scrapbooking magazines, choose a design that may help organize your son or daughter’s story. You are welcome to copy a design on this site too.  Will the memorial have straight lines or will you tear the paper, creating soft edges? Will it have a combination pictures and words? Can other children help? Will your spouse contribute? Do you have animals to include?  

Take some time to cry and reflect on your baby. This activity cannot be completed in a day or not recommended. I feel very connected to Tanner after a good cry because his spirit seems to be inside of me, just the very place his life began . I hope you will find an ounce of peace creating your sweet babies’ scrapbooking memorial.

Peace Love and Hugs from Above  www.justacloudaway.com

Diana

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