Memory Tree 2008 for Angel Babies

Haven of Hope and Healing, Inc. held their Annual Memory Tree Ceremony in Historic Providence Christian Church, December 2, at 7pm. This tiny but incredibly quaint church is the perfect setting  honoring children who never had the chance or for a brief moment, looked into the eyes of their parents.

Darrell K. Moser and Christie Moser founded Haven of Hope and Healing and are dedicated to helping other bereaved families of pregnancy and infant loss. This is their 6th Annual Memory Tree Ceremony where families have an opportunity to honor angels by hanging an ornament while stating their child’s name and any other words reflecting undying love.

Haven of Hope and Healing was the support group my husband and I seeked out to help us after the loss of our stillborn son, Tanner Lee Williams.

I would encourage other bereaved families to participate in yearly events to honor their children and to share ways of coping  with other parents of similar losses. No one understands like a bereaved parent of pregnancy and infant loss.

This years Christmas ornaments were beautifully decorated and hand painted by Pat Scheible.

After the ornaments were hung by the families, the tree was then lit and an appropriate song played as we reflected on our children and the scripture read at the beginning of the program by Reverend Darryl Pebbles and Dr Steve Tucker.

Our angels matter and our always loved. Merry Christmas my sweet Tanner and I love you always.

Mommy

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Remember Angels Through Pregnancy Loss Organizations

If you live in the Piedmont Triad Area, there are 2 support groups I would recommend. Heartstrings, located in Winston-Salem or Greensboro and Haven of Hope and Healing, located in Burlington/Graham North Carolina.

After 3 years of attending Haven of Hope and Healing after the stillbirth of my son, my spirits were renewed. Although we don’t participate in the support group meetings, we are still involved with the group by donating money, attending the memory tree service at Christmastime, writing articles for the quarterly newsletter honoring Tanner, and playing in the annual golf tournament.

October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and is the time when support groups are acknowledging your angel babies. You may want to think about participating and possibly starting a new tradition honoring your children in heaven.

Below is information for Haven of Hope and Healing’s Golf Tournament

The sixth annual Darrell Kirkpatrick Moser, III Memorial
Golf Tournament is scheduled for Friday, October 3, 2008.
The captain’s choice tournament will tee off at 1:00 pm at Quaker
Creek Golf Course in Mebane. Awards and dinner will follow.
The cost for golfers is $50 per person or $200 per foursome. There
are sponsorship packages available: $200 corporate sponsor, $100
hole sponsor. Please contact us for more details. Also, if you have a
business that would like to donate prizes, please let us know. A
registration/donation form is included in this newsletter.
We are in need of volunteers, please let us know if you
would like help out.

Become a Part of Hope Notes-quarterly newsletter for bereaved parents and families

Your input is important to the content of our newsletter.
We encourage you to share your ideas, thoughts, feelings,
poetry or stories to be printed in future issues. We welcome
submissions for our newsletter via mail or email. When
submitting, please follow these guidelines: Provide title,
author, loss information, and parent’s name(s) wherever
applicable.
• If you would like to make a monetary donation or donation
of materials for our lending library in memory of your baby,
you may do so and have it printed in the newsletter. Please
send your check made payable to Haven of Hope & Healing,
Inc. to our post office box with the following information:
Name in memory or in honor of, name of donor, state
whether for anniversary, birthday, or other special
occasion, and any special message you’d like to include.
Remember all contributions are tax deductible.
• Have you had a safe arrival of a baby since a previous
loss/losses? Please submit the good news for future issues.
Include baby’s name, date, weight, etc., parents names,
along with heavenly siblings names.

Subscribe to hope notes-

info@havenofhopeandhealing.org

 

www.havenofhopeandhealing.org

Peace Love and Hugs from Above

Diana

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Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support Groups

Bereaved parents of pregnancy and infant loss have many options for obtaining the support systems needed to heal and move forward after the loss of a baby. Families of similar tragedies can share their personal grief, pain, and hope. Grieving parents must know they are not alone in this journey.

  Types of support groups for different grieving styles

• Once a month meetings (face to face)
• Once a month craft workshops for grief (face to face)
• Weekend healing retreats (face to face)
• One time meetings (face to face)
• One on one meetings (face to face)
• One on one phone calls (private)
• Online guestbooks and message boards (private)
• Online chat rooms and forums (private)
• Paid counselor meetings (face to face)
• Paid life coaching-phone calls (private)
• Yearly services (face to face)

Private refers to the ability to stay in the comfort of your own home if you are not ready to venture out.

Face to face refers to those willing to meet other people in person to share experiences of baby and pregnancy loss.

I participated in several of the above support settings because talking and listening to other parents helped me understand that what I was going through was normal. I looked forward to the once a month meetings for several years. I felt validated talking to other women about my stillborn son Tanner and hearing their stories. I became very good friends with the founder of, Haven of Hope and Healing and still attend the yearly Memory Tree Service for our angels.

A one time meeting or pow wow was orchestrated by my mother-in-law. Several women from her church lost babies years ago and wanted to share with me their pain and their hope. The ages ranged from 45-70 and all had such different stories. After going around the room with each woman telling their painful stories, I declined to share mine. This pow wow was held only months after the stillbirth of my son and I was unable to share. Several unlit candles were centered on a table in front of us, one for each angel baby. We then lit the candles and prayed together. I did enjoy our time together, even if I wasn’t actively participating.

I also worked with a Life Coach years after the death of my son. My son died and it was my job to walk on this horrible road to heal my soul. After some time I accepted Tanner’s death as his gift to me. The passing of my son has opened many doors for me to live a much better life on a spiritual level. Yes, it is a job because it’s hard work and absolutely draining to grieve. I realized through working with a life coach that my friends and family members did not have to work, they did not have to accept his death and maybe still thought I was cheated. We were not on the same page. I had a terrible blowout with several friends and thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown, so I called a life coach to help me. She certainly helped me swim through rough waters and my friendships are thriving again.

Online guestbooks and message boards are a gentle start to connecting with other bereaved families hurting too. It is very theraputic to journal and document how our little angels kissed our hearts. I wanted the world to know about my son because he is real and part of our family. It felt good to write his story and my feelings for him. Please visit the Just a Cloud Away Guestbook to write about your sweet child.

I seem to remember trying a bereavement chat room for those grieving pregnancy and infant loss and didn’t care for it. I am a visual person and need to connect on that plane. I wanted to be able to hug someone or be hugged. I wanted someone to pass me a tissue, give me a sympathetic look or touch my knee to let me know my tears will not always be so painful.

I also attended a weekend healing retreat with my husband. I loved that immensely. The facility was peaceful and serene. The interior decorating catered to those seeking a quiet in their hearts. There were no televisons or telephones in sight. Retreats are found online, through churches or funeral homes.

Monthly craft meetings are offered through support groups and other organizations to introduce various art activities focused on memorializing deceased children. I attended a crochet workshop (don’t have the patience for that), scrapbooking crops, jewlery making, and others. These meetings are perfect for me to use my restless creativity gene to compose beautiful memorials for my angels.

Yearly services are also very supportive like Memory Tree Services at Christmastime, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Walks, or any other event bringing awareness to the world about our children in heaven. I participate in all of them. Since October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, it is a busy time for us. It is so nice to be surrounded by people who have walked in similar shoes. Other family can also attend these type of events to support us.

I hope this will give grieving families a better understanding of all the types of support groups and organizations available. The objective is to choose one you feel comfortable with. Over time you may want to explore other groups in a different setting.

Peace Love and Hugs form Above  www.justacloudaway.com

Diana

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I Don’t Want a Divorce-I Want to Love You Again

I can’t believe the incredible experience of Retrouvaille this past weekend. My husband and I have grown apart in the last 2-3 years and didn’t think our marriage was salvageable. There was little hope in staying together. I felt the love was gone because we were so disconnected from each other, that we were strangers living under one roof. I strongly recommend this beautiful experience of hope and love for any couple having difficulty communicating or other problems hindering growth together to avoid divorce.

In 2003, our stillborn son Tanner held our marriage together because we were able to share a very strong emotion as a couple. This emotion was not our choice, it was just the way our life was playing out. Something or many things contributed to our disconnectedness. Work, finances, spirituality, time or a lack of respect for each others feelings have torn us apart. There are no third parties involved, but I can see how others may find comfort elsewhere when you are living with a stranger.

My husband and I would avoid talking altogether because we knew an agrument were only words away. Being defensive, being critical, being revengeful and always wanting to win the fight was my motto. I didn’t care how I was going to win, just determined. My husband would clam up never saying anything to my hurtful words and accusations, which only infuriated me. I felt sick, nauseous and empty after this heated time together.

For the past 5 months I have been keeping a journal and listing everything I hated about him and every little detail that pissed me off. I thought this was going to be theraputic because I intended to let him read the words when I was finished, if ever. After this weekend I decided to burn these pages and cannot believe I could keep such hatred in my house and that I would get any satisfaction in hurting him. Didn’t God forgive us for everything we have done? By no means am I a saint or perfect. We were created in His image and God doesn’t make junk, which was stated at Retrouvaille. My husband was created in His image and it makes sense now.

We as a couple are 2 individuals, but we can grow together as one. I want the love that other couples have, I want to grow old with him, I want to share my feelings with him and I want to have our living child grow up in a home full of love.

Retrouvaille started on a Friday night and by Saturday night we were transformed. The weekend ended after mass late Sunday afternoon. We will attend 6 post sessions in Raleigh. The food and ammenties were excellent. We listened to couples of all ages reveal their pain and their renewed love. IT WAS SO MOVING. A priest was an integral part of the weekend too. Father opened his heart letting us know he is only human too. I was amazed at his candor because I never thought men of this social position go through similar situations.

Retrouvaille is a french word meaning Rediscovery. This is what truly happened. They never turn anyone away for lack of funds and are a non-profit and international organization. The website is http://www.helpourmarriage.com/.

It was scarey coming home for fear of reverting back to old ways. We went to pick up our son at my inlaws only to find stress kicking us in the face. 60 mile per hour winds blew away our 10×10 shed and ripped off some of our roof shingles, we had to think about getting our broken car to the shop and scheduling a babysitter for the next 6 sessions of Retrouvaille. After we collected our thoughts and were in bed we decided to make time completing an exercise we learned on our weekend. We connected and talked even though we were both filled with anxiety. This time together sharing calmed me and gave me a sense of much needed peace. We can get through this together.

My husband and I are going to start fresh and incorporate everything from Retrouvaille into our new beginnings. I love my husband and my marriage is worth saving. We will make time for each other no matter how busy our life gets. I am looking forward to learning about this man who I now want as my best friend and soft place to fall at night.

Peace Love and Hugs from Above  www.justacloudaway.com

Diana

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Yearly Events Honoring Little Angels

Our fourth year Tanner (our stillborn son) has spent Christmas with Jesus. Ever since the first Christmas we have attended a Memory Tree Service provided by Haven and Hope and Healing. http://www.havenofhopeandhealing.org/This is the same support group that helped me walk out of the darkness after Tanner came to us quietly sleeping. I can’t imagine not going to this event because it is now a tradition. By no means it is an event that is full of joy, however it is a time to truly think about our children that are no longer here and safely in the hands of Jesus.

The event is supportive in every way. There are new people and there are people I have known for the 4 years of attending. We have an opportunity to walk up to the Christmas Tree and say a few words about our deceased children, before placing an ornament. It is not easy. This year I was determined to say what was on my mind if it took me 15 minutes to say it. My 3 year old living child would not have known Jesus like he does today if Tanner had not died. It is the honest truth. I am so thankful for my sweet little angel. He has blessed me in so many ways and I love him in such a special way.

These types of events are not light-hearted and I can’t imagine them ever being that way. They are our chance to honor Tanner, to express how he has touched our lives, to support other families who have recently lost their babies, to spread pregnancy and infant loss awareness, for fellowship, keep traditions going, and to remind us that this place is just a stepping stone.

My children in heaven are just a cloud away and we will all be together again www.justacloudaway.com

Peace Love and Hugs from Above

Diana

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Share Retreat 2007

I have returned from a beautiful weekend retreat in Missouri given by the national Share support group for pregnancy loss. I enjoyed spending time with other bereaved parents and hearing about their precious little angels.

I hope that everyone had the opportunity to gain more insight on creating a special Memory Garden for children gone too soon.

If you have any further questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. I would love to be a part of its creation. On the Just a Cloud Away website there is a Memory Garden tipsheet for purchase that summarizes everything that was covered in the talk. It also provides suggestions on looking deeper into our stories for those that had an early pregnancy loss.

Thank you for sharing and I will be thinking of all of you

Diana- the Garden Geek

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Voices of Hope Retreat-2007

The national SHARE organization for pregnancy loss has invited me to speak at their upcoming retreat regarding the creation of a memory garden. I must say talking about my children and plants are 2 loves that I am incredibly passionate about.

It will be a wonderful weekend and I’m sure tears will be shed just because I miss them. Someone will be playing the harp and I have never witnessed a performance. It will send chills down my spine, I can feel it now.

If you are in the St Louis, Missouri area July 19th, you should stop by to breath in inspiring workshops with a community having  angels in common.

Stay cool this July

Diana:)

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