How many children do you have?
The dreaded question and the guilt surrounding it could be overwhelming. The hesitation of the parent being questioned is much more than a mere pause. A child born (subsequent pregnancy) after or before the loss of a baby is recognized as an integral part of the family, in most homes.
My subsequent pregnancy was another son and he is well aware of his older brother. He is now six and draws pictures of our family, including Tanner.
When in preschool, he was asked how many brother’s or sister’s he had.
As you can see the teacher painted white out over the number one, for how many brothers he had. In a way, Tanner dies again. I do not blame the teacher, but if a child acknowledges a deceased sibling, they should too.
I asked my six-year-old about this questionnaire and he said, “Yes, I told her I had a brother named Tanner and he died.”
What you tell someone in the grocery line may be different from telling someone who works out at the same gym as you, it is your decision. We only do the best we know how and what feels right for the family.
The warmth inside my heart is tremendous when my 6-year-old wants to let a balloon go up to Tanner, draw a picture of him or just ask how he is doing.
People ask, “Doesn’t it make you sad talking about him?” No, I choose to remember my angel son because I love him and that love is manifested through me in my willingness to help, give, and support others. It is nothing but positive energy and it’s all because of Tanner.
How many children do you have?
I have three. Cameron is 2, Peyton is 5 and Aurora would have been 6 weeks.
I have 3 sons—Andy is 2 and Davy & Ricky would have been 26 weeks old still in the womb this week.
Jordan was my first and so far only. Because of tama with her birth I am not unable to have anymore children. It makes it so hard when you hear women sharing pregnancy stories and want with all of my might to join in, but i know the question that will follow “how old is she”…so i shy away. she will always be mine to hold in my heart
I found your blog by chance. I just recently lost my son Eli and have started a blog as well to help me though the greiving process. At this point if my son was to have brought that home and the teacher had done that I would possibly go off on them, and let them know how I felt. Thank you so much for sharing your story.