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Archive for October, 2008

October 11th, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Memory Walks took place across the nation, recognizing the babies who left this earth too soon. Bereaved families came together to pay tribute by walking, lighting candles, or releasing balloons or butterflies. October 15th  being the actual day.

Heartstrings located in the Piedmont Triad Area of North Carolina had their memory walk October 11th, Saturday morning. I attended and brought all of the many angel crafts I created in memory of my stillborn angel, Tanner. Next to me was a table full of books by a local writer and bereaved parent of stillbirth, Anna Marie Smith. She would also be the keynote speaker.

She would share a similar story with me about her first born son, like my little Tanner Nanner. Her baby Mac was stillborn 4 years prior to my son. I decided to purchase her book “Sleeping Angel”. I have a library filled with pregnancy loss books, but none by someone I have met in the flesh.

While I was taking pictures of the event, my mother sat and read the entire book. I asked her how it was. She said, “It sounds like everything you went through.”

There were similarities and there were differences because no 2 people are exactly the same. A few of those differences were looking pregnant after our stillbirths and how other people would notice. For me, I wanted so much to look pregnant as long as possible. I wanted people to ask me if I was pregnant or when I was expecting so I could talk about my angel. Another difference was how I dealt with Tanner’s death the month afterward. I would start drinking wine early in the morning, smoke 2 packs of cigarettes, wander through my garden and cry all day long. By the time my husband would arrive home, I would be passed out for the the evening until the next morning. Another huge difference was that unlike Anna, I knew how my baby died, the umbilical cord. She would never know. 

I will finish the book and continue to note the differences and similarities of our journey of grief.

Peace Love and Hugs from Above   www.justacloudaway.com

Diana

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