How could my stillborn baby be here, I didn’t push yet? I was so confused. My heart was beating in my throat and I couldn’t say anything. My mother-in-law and nurse Tara were the only ones looking at Tanner laying between my legs. My husband was standing by my side and the blanket was separating us from our son.
Nurse Tara gently picked up Tanner and swaddled him in a blankie and took him to another room to be cleaned. That was our wish. I am completely blank as to what I was thinking about when Tanner was in the other room. I am not confused as to the emotion I was feeling though….EXCITED. Even though I had been told he was dead I was very excited to see him. Tanner is our first born child and created by us.
I asked my mother in law what she saw and she said he looked like a baby and that the umbilical cord was very visible. Yes very visible because it was wrapped around his tiny neck 3 times and then around his arm/shoulder area. It was apparent what killed him.
Nurse Tara came back into the room and in her angelic voice told us what to expect. Because of the lack of oxygen for some time, his lips would be a crimson color and Tanner’s skin somewhat delicate with a tear by his nose and eye. Bruises on his body from the umbilical cord. This was all happening before the doctor arrived because Tanner came as such a surprise.
I am so thankful for nurse Tara to have taken so many pictures of us holding our sweet angel Tanner. Who would have thought it would be like this. Isn’t he just perfect.
The Birth of My Stillborn Baby-Part 1
Peace Love and Hugs from Above www.justacloudaway.com
Diana
Diana,
I am so sorry this happened to you too. No woman should have to experience this lost. What helped me was my girls and my husband. Its only been 3 months since i lost my son, but there is not a day that passes I dont think of him.
People will tell you to lock away your baby stuff, not to go in the room, or to visit his grave too much. Trust me listen to your heart. My heart told me to hold his clothes in my hands and cry it all. It was like a drug for me I had to go to the grave, I still do. Your heart will tell you what to do trust it.
Tasha.
coco_tash@hotmail.com
Diane
I feel your pain and sorrow . I to, lost a baby. He was stillborn March 27,2008.It’s been four months since he passed and I think of him a lot. I miss holding him and kissing his beautiful cheeks. He was so adorable. He to had tears on his eyes and nose and his mouth was a diffrent color . He was born breech. He came out leg and buttom. It was the most painful experience during child birth. I have three living children and they were nothing like the delivery like baby Robbie.
He was 7lbs30z. He was born at 1318.I pushed from 1301 till1318.He was taken away to another room to be cleaned and to have him dressed and have his pictures done and foot prints and hair clippings. They told us before hand his skin was dark and tearing around eyes and nose and hands.He looked beautiful. I looked and looked at him so I can take a picture of him that will last forever.
I’m thinking of you and understand what you are going through.
I have a friend from the States who made me custom jewerly in Rememberance of my son. The colors are for the ,”Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awarness”.Take a look and her work is very reasonable and beautiul!
Hugs
Natashia
http://www.simplybeadiful.weebly.com
Thank you so much Natashia for sharing your story of Robbie.
The photograph of Tanner had been touched up by a friend. His bruises were very dark as well as his crimson lips.
I looked a the website you sent along and it is beadiful.
Wishing you peace love and hugs from above on your heaing journey Natashia
Diana
I just wanted to say that your Tanner is simply gorgeous. I am glad He is in Heaven rejoicing with the angels…I am sorry for your aching heart. As a mom of stillborn angels I can relate. Praying for your family.
I gave birth to my still born yesterday and I was looking for ways to cope with my emotions. He was born 4 months premature due to an Intrauterine Infection or “Chorioamnionitis.” Nobody knows how I got the infection, nor do I. It spread throughout the uterus and my water broke. I went to the hospital hoping there was still enough water to save him and there wasn’t.. he was also too small and sick now due to the infection. Before he was healthy and strong, His birth was totally unexpected. I was looking for some answers to what could cause this infection, If anyone has any ideas. email me: momma.kitten@yahoo.com
-His name is Cerin.
-He was born yesterday afternoon at 1250pm
-& he was 14oz
I can’t find any answers to what could’ve caused his pre-term birth. It kills me, but he is safe now with god and the angels.
Dear Allison,
I am sorry of the loss of your precious angel Cerin. You are not alone in this time of sadness.
If anyone can help Allison with information regarding this infection, please do so on Love Talk blog to educate us as well.
I will pray for Cerin and your family Allison while in my son’s memory garden today.
Peace Love and Hugs from Above
Diana
Sweet Laura,
Isaac and Isaiah along with your other angels are in my thoughts. I am so sorry for the immense pain you have endured over the years.
I was touched by your sunrise pictures and know your angels had something to do with its beauty. Those are wonderful pictures to place into a sky journal for your children.
http://shivere.wordpress.com/2008/01/17/photographs-remembering-angels-sky-journals/
Your children with you now have special siblings looking down on them
Peace Love and Hugs from Above
Diana
Hi my name is Amanda Wittner and this is my story. April 5th, my son Brayden Jeremiah Wittner was stillborn. Through my whole pregnancy everything was normal, all the tests, ultrasound, and everything. I started having a lot of swelling when I was 36 weeks so I was sent to get tested for preeclampsia and when I took my 24 hour urinalysis back to the hospital I was feeling a lot of pressure so I decided to go get checked in the er. I was fully thinned out and dilated to a 3 having contractions every 2 minutes. They tried giving me the shot to stop it since I was only 36 weeks but it didn’t stop. Dr. Lehman came to break my water and the fluid was tea colored. Once the water was broke they couldn’t pick up a heart rate so they did an ultrasound. Come to find out my babies heart had stopped beating at least a week before and he had fluid around his heart. So I had to call everyone that was on there way to the hospital and tell them that my baby was gone. I still had to deliver which was so hard. Knowing I was going through all that work and I don’t even get to hear my baby cry or take my baby home. It is the hardest thing i’ve ever been through. I have started a page on myspace too for anyone who gets on myspace feel free to add. It lets you talk to other mothers or fathers that have lost a child.
I just discovered this website. Yesterday (Halloween) was my baby Whitman’s due date. Unfortunately, he was stillborn on August 8, 2008. I had no warnings, just stopped moving. The doctor told me that he had passed a few days prior. I was 28 weeks the day that I delivered him. He was 1 lb. 13 oz. and 13″ long. He looked just like a full term baby. Like you, his skin was peeling and his lips were bright red. I spent some time with him and had pictures taken. I still have no answer as to what went wrong. Everything appeared normal with the placenta and umbilical cord. There was nothing notable. I am still waiting on the pathology reports (almost 3 months later). My heart aches for him. I
Dearest Diana,
Thank you so much for sharing your story about Tanner with me and many others. I lost my first baby girl Preslie 3 months ago. It has been such a hard road since she has been gone.
It brings me such peace and comfort that there are women out there that truly know what I am experiencing and going through. Your son is a perfect angel.
I wish you peace and thank you again for your story.
Love,
Rylie Martin
rylieandchris.blogspot.com
Hi, my name is Neidy Tijerino and all I can say is I know exactly what you all are feeling. About 11 months ago I Lost my beautiful baby boy Christopher Gabriel. He was 3 moths when he passed away. I was six moths pregnant when Christopher was born and visiting my parents in Florida. You see my husband is in the military and we lived in California. Well a day before I was supposed to return to California I went into early labor. By the time I got to the hospital I was fully dilated. The baby heart beat start to drop ,so I had an Emergency C-section. It was such a confusing time every thing was a blur but I remember every second. I hope I make sense. I was depressed, ashamed, mad and so confuse. I asked myself how could this happen, I did everything right. Everyone thought the could consul me, saying don’t worry everything would be fine. At that moment all I care about was my baby boy health. See my baby was extremely premature, and had a 50% chance of living all the doctors assured me that he would not make it. I kept telling them that I believed in a higher power that can do miracles. I mean miracles happen every day, right. Doctors kept telling me to disconnect his ventilator and let him die. My family, my husband was telling me that it was the right thing to do. The baby was suffering an intestinal disease call NEC and his whole colon was removed, the doctors could stop the infection. I was torn; there I was fighting, praying and begging for a miracle. My parents and my husband would get upset when I would cry. Telling me that I had very little faith for crying. Nobody could understand what I was feeling that moment. I had a bond with my baby boy, I waited for him all my life. I loved him the very moment I heard his heart beat for the first. I was next to his incubator from 7:30 am -11:30pm everyday for a period of 1 1/2 months. Sometimes I would sneak in the middle of the night just to go check up on him. I was dealing with so much pain and I felt like nobody understood my pain. It was my son dying in front of me I couldn’t do anything about it. My heart was broken and I was so upset at my husband, for not wanting to be in the hospital 24/7 -but in my ignorance I couldn’t understand that was the way he was dealing with his pain, he was trying to be strong for me. We had many up and downs with our baby boy , but I never gave on him, I fought with the doctors , husband and family till the very end. I was his mother was going to fight for him to the end. Then a Miracle happen the infection stopped. The baby was trying to breath on his own and we stated to feed him. At that very instance I knew there was a God and he was not ignoring me. I completely surrender my heart to God. I saw my child move, his perfect little hands and feet move. I saw him opening his eyes and felt him grab my finger with such strength. My prayers changed, I was no longer praying God, Please save my baby. I was praying Lord please do your will in my baby’s life. My heart started to heal slowly and my faith was growing. 3 Weeks later Christopher’s kidneys shut down, and he past away in my arms God was preparing me heart for that moment. I knew his end was near 3 days before he passed away. I didn’t eat or sleep for those 3 days. I was next to him reminding him that he was the best thing that ever happened to me. I told him endlessly how much I loved him. a few hours before he died the doctors told me it was time. I looked at the doctor and told him I know. I had never held my son in my arms, so I told the doctor. I will not let my son die in an incubator, I wanted to hold him and I did. My husband and I were joined by both of parents my 15 year brother and my brother in-law, but most important by God. I cried so much pain, but it was a different pain. Christopher Gabriel Died 03/22/08 at 12:20 pm in my arms I told him there was so much i wanted him to know. But I summed it up with I love you my son, and I will always love you. That was the first and last time I held my child. 2 days later I buried. I learn so much from my son, but I also learned how God had been with me through the whole journey. I remember my son every day, I don’t think of the fact that he died, but that he was a blessing and that he lives forever in heaven.
Sometimes I wonder what is worst, still birth or having your baby live and then die. I guess that we are connected forever through our pain and our little angels. Please
forgive my grammar, I don’t speak very well English. All I can say is, time will heal your hearts . Best of luck to all of you and if I offended anyone please forgive me it was not my intension.