How could my stillborn baby be here, I didn’t push yet? I was so confused. My heart was beating in my throat and I couldn’t say anything. My mother-in-law and nurse Tara were the only ones looking at Tanner laying between my legs. My husband was standing by my side and the blanket was separating us from our son.
Nurse Tara gently picked up Tanner and swaddled him in a blankie and took him to another room to be cleaned. That was our wish. I am completely blank as to what I was thinking about when Tanner was in the other room. I am not confused as to the emotion I was feeling though….EXCITED. Even though I had been told he was dead I was very excited to see him. Tanner is our first born child and created by us.
I asked my mother in law what she saw and she said he looked like a baby and that the umbilical cord was very visible. Yes very visible because it was wrapped around his tiny neck 3 times and then around his arm/shoulder area. It was apparent what killed him.
Nurse Tara came back into the room and in her angelic voice told us what to expect. Because of the lack of oxygen for some time, his lips would be a crimson color and Tanner’s skin somewhat delicate with a tear by his nose and eye. Bruises on his body from the umbilical cord. This was all happening before the doctor arrived because Tanner came as such a surprise.
I am so thankful for nurse Tara to have taken so many pictures of us holding our sweet angel Tanner. Who would have thought it would be like this. Isn’t he just perfect. Read Tanner’s energy reading from our holistic reader. Connect with your baby too.
The Birth of My Stillborn Baby-Part 1
If you are local to the Piedmont Triad Area (Greensboro, Oak Ridge, Pleasant Garden, Burlington, Kernersville, Randleman, etc.) and would like to tell your baby’s story in an interview, please contact me-Diana(@)justacloudaway.com. The grief of loosing an infant or pregnancy is one of the most difficult life transitions to endure and sharing with the community of how to act, what to say and what to do in support of bereaved parents can and should be shared to alleviate unnecessary stress and hurt feelings. The interview will be posted on http://justacloud.wordpress.com.
A survey for ONLY those parents who have lost a pregnancy or infant, click here.
Peace Love and Hugs from Above www.justacloudaway.com
Diana
Diana,
I am so sorry this happened to you too. No woman should have to experience this lost. What helped me was my girls and my husband. Its only been 3 months since i lost my son, but there is not a day that passes I dont think of him.
People will tell you to lock away your baby stuff, not to go in the room, or to visit his grave too much. Trust me listen to your heart. My heart told me to hold his clothes in my hands and cry it all. It was like a drug for me I had to go to the grave, I still do. Your heart will tell you what to do trust it.
Tasha.
coco_tash@hotmail.com
Diane
I feel your pain and sorrow . I to, lost a baby. He was stillborn March 27,2008.It’s been four months since he passed and I think of him a lot. I miss holding him and kissing his beautiful cheeks. He was so adorable. He to had tears on his eyes and nose and his mouth was a diffrent color . He was born breech. He came out leg and buttom. It was the most painful experience during child birth. I have three living children and they were nothing like the delivery like baby Robbie.
He was 7lbs30z. He was born at 1318.I pushed from 1301 till1318.He was taken away to another room to be cleaned and to have him dressed and have his pictures done and foot prints and hair clippings. They told us before hand his skin was dark and tearing around eyes and nose and hands.He looked beautiful. I looked and looked at him so I can take a picture of him that will last forever.
I’m thinking of you and understand what you are going through.
I have a friend from the States who made me custom jewerly in Rememberance of my son. The colors are for the ,”Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awarness”.Take a look and her work is very reasonable and beautiul!
Hugs
Natashia
http://www.simplybeadiful.weebly.com
Thank you so much Natashia for sharing your story of Robbie.
The photograph of Tanner had been touched up by a friend. His bruises were very dark as well as his crimson lips.
I looked a the website you sent along and it is beadiful.
Wishing you peace love and hugs from above on your heaing journey Natashia
Diana
I just wanted to say that your Tanner is simply gorgeous. I am glad He is in Heaven rejoicing with the angels…I am sorry for your aching heart. As a mom of stillborn angels I can relate. Praying for your family.
I gave birth to my still born yesterday and I was looking for ways to cope with my emotions. He was born 4 months premature due to an Intrauterine Infection or “Chorioamnionitis.” Nobody knows how I got the infection, nor do I. It spread throughout the uterus and my water broke. I went to the hospital hoping there was still enough water to save him and there wasn’t.. he was also too small and sick now due to the infection. Before he was healthy and strong, His birth was totally unexpected. I was looking for some answers to what could cause this infection, If anyone has any ideas. email me: momma.kitten@yahoo.com
-His name is Cerin.
-He was born yesterday afternoon at 1250pm
-& he was 14oz
I can’t find any answers to what could’ve caused his pre-term birth. It kills me, but he is safe now with god and the angels.
Dear Allison,
I am sorry of the loss of your precious angel Cerin. You are not alone in this time of sadness.
If anyone can help Allison with information regarding this infection, please do so on Love Talk blog to educate us as well.
I will pray for Cerin and your family Allison while in my son’s memory garden today.
Peace Love and Hugs from Above
Diana
Sweet Laura,
Isaac and Isaiah along with your other angels are in my thoughts. I am so sorry for the immense pain you have endured over the years.
I was touched by your sunrise pictures and know your angels had something to do with its beauty. Those are wonderful pictures to place into a sky journal for your children.
http://shivere.wordpress.com/2008/01/17/photographs-remembering-angels-sky-journals/
Your children with you now have special siblings looking down on them
Peace Love and Hugs from Above
Diana
Hi my name is Amanda Wittner and this is my story. April 5th, my son Brayden Jeremiah Wittner was stillborn. Through my whole pregnancy everything was normal, all the tests, ultrasound, and everything. I started having a lot of swelling when I was 36 weeks so I was sent to get tested for preeclampsia and when I took my 24 hour urinalysis back to the hospital I was feeling a lot of pressure so I decided to go get checked in the er. I was fully thinned out and dilated to a 3 having contractions every 2 minutes. They tried giving me the shot to stop it since I was only 36 weeks but it didn’t stop. Dr. Lehman came to break my water and the fluid was tea colored. Once the water was broke they couldn’t pick up a heart rate so they did an ultrasound. Come to find out my babies heart had stopped beating at least a week before and he had fluid around his heart. So I had to call everyone that was on there way to the hospital and tell them that my baby was gone. I still had to deliver which was so hard. Knowing I was going through all that work and I don’t even get to hear my baby cry or take my baby home. It is the hardest thing i’ve ever been through. I have started a page on myspace too for anyone who gets on myspace feel free to add. It lets you talk to other mothers or fathers that have lost a child.
I just discovered this website. Yesterday (Halloween) was my baby Whitman’s due date. Unfortunately, he was stillborn on August 8, 2008. I had no warnings, just stopped moving. The doctor told me that he had passed a few days prior. I was 28 weeks the day that I delivered him. He was 1 lb. 13 oz. and 13″ long. He looked just like a full term baby. Like you, his skin was peeling and his lips were bright red. I spent some time with him and had pictures taken. I still have no answer as to what went wrong. Everything appeared normal with the placenta and umbilical cord. There was nothing notable. I am still waiting on the pathology reports (almost 3 months later). My heart aches for him. I
My goodness i reply as the dates for my stillborn baby are the same, due 31st October but born Aug 8 2010, he had four major heart defects. Born perfect in every way apart from this major organ. We miss him so much. God bless our little one
Dearest Diana,
Thank you so much for sharing your story about Tanner with me and many others. I lost my first baby girl Preslie 3 months ago. It has been such a hard road since she has been gone.
It brings me such peace and comfort that there are women out there that truly know what I am experiencing and going through. Your son is a perfect angel.
I wish you peace and thank you again for your story.
Love,
Rylie Martin
rylieandchris.blogspot.com
Hi, my name is Neidy Tijerino and all I can say is I know exactly what you all are feeling. About 11 months ago I Lost my beautiful baby boy Christopher Gabriel. He was 3 moths when he passed away. I was six moths pregnant when Christopher was born and visiting my parents in Florida. You see my husband is in the military and we lived in California. Well a day before I was supposed to return to California I went into early labor. By the time I got to the hospital I was fully dilated. The baby heart beat start to drop ,so I had an Emergency C-section. It was such a confusing time every thing was a blur but I remember every second. I hope I make sense. I was depressed, ashamed, mad and so confuse. I asked myself how could this happen, I did everything right. Everyone thought the could consul me, saying don’t worry everything would be fine. At that moment all I care about was my baby boy health. See my baby was extremely premature, and had a 50% chance of living all the doctors assured me that he would not make it. I kept telling them that I believed in a higher power that can do miracles. I mean miracles happen every day, right. Doctors kept telling me to disconnect his ventilator and let him die. My family, my husband was telling me that it was the right thing to do. The baby was suffering an intestinal disease call NEC and his whole colon was removed, the doctors could stop the infection. I was torn; there I was fighting, praying and begging for a miracle. My parents and my husband would get upset when I would cry. Telling me that I had very little faith for crying. Nobody could understand what I was feeling that moment. I had a bond with my baby boy, I waited for him all my life. I loved him the very moment I heard his heart beat for the first. I was next to his incubator from 7:30 am -11:30pm everyday for a period of 1 1/2 months. Sometimes I would sneak in the middle of the night just to go check up on him. I was dealing with so much pain and I felt like nobody understood my pain. It was my son dying in front of me I couldn’t do anything about it. My heart was broken and I was so upset at my husband, for not wanting to be in the hospital 24/7 -but in my ignorance I couldn’t understand that was the way he was dealing with his pain, he was trying to be strong for me. We had many up and downs with our baby boy , but I never gave on him, I fought with the doctors , husband and family till the very end. I was his mother was going to fight for him to the end. Then a Miracle happen the infection stopped. The baby was trying to breath on his own and we stated to feed him. At that very instance I knew there was a God and he was not ignoring me. I completely surrender my heart to God. I saw my child move, his perfect little hands and feet move. I saw him opening his eyes and felt him grab my finger with such strength. My prayers changed, I was no longer praying God, Please save my baby. I was praying Lord please do your will in my baby’s life. My heart started to heal slowly and my faith was growing. 3 Weeks later Christopher’s kidneys shut down, and he past away in my arms God was preparing me heart for that moment. I knew his end was near 3 days before he passed away. I didn’t eat or sleep for those 3 days. I was next to him reminding him that he was the best thing that ever happened to me. I told him endlessly how much I loved him. a few hours before he died the doctors told me it was time. I looked at the doctor and told him I know. I had never held my son in my arms, so I told the doctor. I will not let my son die in an incubator, I wanted to hold him and I did. My husband and I were joined by both of parents my 15 year brother and my brother in-law, but most important by God. I cried so much pain, but it was a different pain. Christopher Gabriel Died 03/22/08 at 12:20 pm in my arms I told him there was so much i wanted him to know. But I summed it up with I love you my son, and I will always love you. That was the first and last time I held my child. 2 days later I buried. I learn so much from my son, but I also learned how God had been with me through the whole journey. I remember my son every day, I don’t think of the fact that he died, but that he was a blessing and that he lives forever in heaven.
Sometimes I wonder what is worst, still birth or having your baby live and then die. I guess that we are connected forever through our pain and our little angels. Please
forgive my grammar, I don’t speak very well English. All I can say is, time will heal your hearts . Best of luck to all of you and if I offended anyone please forgive me it was not my intension.
so i have a stillborn on june 5 2009 i thought my dreams was answered but god had another idea for my baby boy so i feel your pain and your sorrow id dint think i had to do it either
I stumbled upon your blog and when I saw the subject I couldn’t help but read it because you see we too had still born baby in June of 2006. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story!
i know its not quite the same as you have all been through but i will tell you about my first wee baby REGAN BORN ON THE 13TH July 2006 at 12.58 am and died on the 5th aug 2006 i was full term my preg was not great i had alot of infect and i had a swab done ten days before she was born withc should of been back in 48 hours but the lab lost it any way i dident feel any movment for a few days so they decised to induce my labour so i was took into hos on the morning of the 12th and once they gave me one pesterie it started my labour i was in full labour from about 11 am on the 12th and went on all that day and night till about 10pm on the 12th and they deiced to do a c section because i was only five cen my waters were broke from about 9.30am that morning there was a delay with the c section because the doc was with a privite clinit so when my baby girl was born she did not breath on here own and was taken stright away to the n.n.i.c.u no one told me what was going on for a good hour i was so upset i knew there was something wrong i nevere heard her cry the midwife just kept saying the doc will be in to talk to you when he came in over an hour and a half later he told me and my husband she was very sick and that it took her 45 min to breath i got to see her later that night see looked so perfact her eyes were opend she was 7 lb 13 0z she was on a vent i dident know just how sick she was it was latter on that day on the 13th july i found out i had strep b and that was what was wrong with my angle she out up such a good fight the doc kept telling me over the next few weeks it was not fair to her that i should turn her vent of that she would never have and kind of a normal life she would never know we were even there my heart would not let me do it she was my baby girl i loved her but tin the end we had to give in her vent was turned of the doc said she would pass away stright away it was turned of at 6.25pm on the 4th aug and my wee flower breathed on her own till 3 25 am on the 5th aug the hole time i kept telling myself she was going to pull through she is breathing on her own but she dident i broke my heart when she took her last wee breath she had an there was an inquest into her death and it was so hard to sit and re live it all again the cornarn said had i been given aint boidies during labour my wee regan would still br alive today i have had two more chidren since but there is still such an empty place in my heart i had a wee boy on the 10th july 2007 born 6 weeks prem and a baby girl born on the 6th july 2009 i know its not the same as what you all have been through my heart goes out to you all my cousin had a baby boy born to night at 11.00pm 3 and a half months early he died as soon as he was born his wee brain was not developing and the doc told here yesterday even if she carried him full tream he would still die as soon as he was born. sleep tight all the little angles in gods care
wow that must suck i feel realy bad for you and i wish your baby live it may hurt at first but after all that pain was soooooooooooooooooooooooo worth it even if had not had one im only 13 and i hope you get a baby soon
I have read everyone’s story and it saddens me so much to know that someone had to feel the same pain I felt. Although I know none of you … we are so much alike each of us, losing something very precious to us. My advice to each of you is to grieve and do not rush it…there are no rules that tell you when grieving is up so take time to heal..
It will be 20 years for me on November 11th she was born in 1989 I had been to the drs. the day before all was fine I was 42 weeks. Perfect pregnancy I labored with her for over 16 hours the hardest birth I had….she was 6# 12 oz. a perfect baby she was. Her cord had formed a knot early in my pregnancy and when she dropped the knot pulled tight and closed off her oxygen supply. Born with crimson lips and black little finger nails I remember it like it was yesterday. My nurses did not explain a thing to me, they were cold, they put me on the maternity floor and I heard the babies crying all night because of course I couldn’t sleep it was awful.
God bless all of you and just know we all have angels up above looking out for us
Veelynn
I named her Hope and I forgot to put that in my email to all of you I was so upset writing that I forgot to tell you her name, 20 years and I still have such a hard time with her death. Hope was cremated and when my father died a few years later I put her tiny urn in his coffin with him that way they both had each other and would not be alone.
What better way to go to heaven I thought ….in the arms of her papa! I just wanted all of you to know my little cherubs name! God Bless all of you VeeLynn
VeeLyn,
What a beautiful story. Papa and Hope will have each other always.
Peace Love and Hugs from Above
Diana
Oh… my… I’m so sorry… i… i posted my story… Her name… it’s…beautiful….
First off I would like to say I’m deeply sorry for all of your losses, this is one of those situations where I say I know exactly how you feel and really do. Here’s my story: Every since i can remember I knew I wanted to be a mom, growing up I always baby sat everyone elses kids and always had to give them back, was so ready to have my own. When I met my husband 4 years ago I knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and have kids with, we waited til August 6, 2009 to get married and my due date was Sept. 21, 2009. The closer I got to my due date the worse I felt so I constantly kept calling the doctor to see if i need to come in or what to do to make myself a little more comfortable, but they kept telling me I was fine and my symptoms were normal and that im not suppose to be comfortable this late in my pregnancy, deep down i just knew something wasnt right. So a day and a half before i had him i went to the ER and they monitored him and the first non-stress test was bad, the second was better and the 3rd one was good they said I was fine to just go home lay on my right side and drink plenty of clear fluids so thats what i did. I ended up going into labor September 12, 2009 I was 38weeks and 4days I got to the hospital(after have my bloody show) at about 4:30am they hooked me up on the monitor said everything was good I was dialted to 3cm and 80% thinned out and to just relax well at about 7:45am the doctor shows up, he comes in the room checks the monitor leaves and comes back with an ultrasound machine he does a couple of US’s and says that he needs to tell me something and asked if my husband was around and I told him that he would be right back the nurse calls him and tells him to get in my room ASAP, after he gets back the doctor says the most horrifying thing I will ever hear “There is no easy way to tell you this but I can’t find your baby’s heartbeat” my husband and I were both speechless I mean this has been a smooth pregnancy how could this be right, we both asked what happened and the doctor said I Dont Know, so then i asked if they were gonna take him out of me or will I have him naturally and he said I would have to have him naturally so it wont damage my chances of getting pregnant again from that point on everything was a blur to me I vaguely remember pushing and hearing my mom ask the doctor if i was ok and said i looked yellow and why was I passing out, he said he didnt know. I delivered my son Derek Anthony Hefley at 12:10pm he was 7Lbs even and exactly 19inches long, I remember right when he came out I asked why isnt he crying and then they had to tell me again that he was alive. Then the doctor realized there was something wrong with me my kidneys and liver were shutting down and he didnt know why, I spent 2days in ICU and 6 in a regular room. They still had no idea what was wrong with me and why my son didnt make it. A month after I got out of the hospital I was told that I had Acute Fatty Liver of Pregnancy(AFLP) and the Provisional Autopsy report for my son said he died of Meconium Aspiration. I just recieved the Final Autopsy and it said that he died due to lack of oxygen and blood flow due to 60% of my placenta being dead, so I asked why my placenta was dead and the doctor says it was because of the AFLP, my body was shutting down slowly which was slowly killing my placenta. She said that I had gone untreated and then everything else just fell into place. I still don’t understand why this had happened to me and so many questions linger about if my doctors would have listened to me would he still be here or was there absolutely anything could have prevented this? Im all better now and remembering more and more from that day and for the longest I was thinking that the day my son was born was the worst day of my life I now think of it as the best because he made me a proud mother a beautiful baby boy and gave me the pleasure of hold him in my arms and feeling that feeling of joy and excitement you get when you know that you’ve created this human being, he will always be apart of me and I will always love him and never forget my first child. I will always remember the way he looked, smelled, what he was wearing and that feeling I had while holding him in my arms. We were finally able to put him to rest September 23, 2009 between his Grandpa and Great Grandpa I know my son will be taken care of up there in Heaven and he will always be our little angel. Thank you for reading this and I hope that everyone finds peace in these tragic events and stays stong for our lost little ones.
omg thats the same exact thing that killed my baby girl the cord was wrapped around her neck three times… im so sorry for your loss just know that your baby is in heaven and god is taking very good care of him
I’m so sorry ,i can’t imagine the pain you went through and most likely you might still feel that pain ,a pain that i can’t relate to , but my sister had a baby 2 years a go and died 12 hrs later. I still don’t understand why these things happens to an angel ; the only thing thats for sure is that they go straight to heaven like God says and it is up to us to get to see them in heaven again and for ever. Bless you all.
Thank you for your story. A relative is going through labor right now for a stillborn boy at 8 mos. I don’t understand why any woman should have to go through this, it’s unthinkable. I keep praying for her. Also my sister’s baby girl died when she was 9 months old. She is a constant angel in our lives. Prayers to you all.
Thank you for all your heartfelt stories.. I don’t know the pain you have all gone through, and I hope I never have too… But if I do I know the place to go and share my story.. Every story I read I shed a tear or two.. I had a miscarriage 6 yrs ago and I still think about it everyday, and I know it has nothing to do with what you have all gone through, but I was 8wks into that pregnancy and it had a heart beat, but now I have two healthy baby girls.. I applause you all for your strenght and will. God bless you all and my love to each and everyone of you…
Tecla
Australia
Congratulations on your little girls.
It does not matter Tecla how long the pregnancy…if you heart the heartbeat you felt the love.
Your heart broke as did all of ours for all the …..”what could have been(s)” Your tears were as real as mine, losing a child is never easy, never.
God Bless and thank you for your kind words
VeeLynn
Congratulations on your little girls.
It does not matter Tecla how long the pregnancy…if you heard the heartbeat you felt the love.
Your heart broke as did all of ours for all the …..”what could have been(s)” Your tears were as real as mine, losing a child is never easy, never.
God Bless and thank you for your kind words
VeeLynn
I feel so sad for all you ladies for what you have been through,I also have lost a perfect beautiful baby boy at 36 wks.I contracted a double dose of chicken pox due to medical negligence.I spent 10 days on life support at 26 wks fighting for both our lives.My boy was able to survive until 36wks,but even tho he was being monitored 3 times a week,he slipped through the cracks & passed away the day before I gave birth to him on his dads birthday.All I can say is never ever forget.My boy would be almost 9 & I still think of him on a daily basis & still tear up when I talk about him.
God bless you all
2/9/10 i went to the hospital bleeding and cramping, and i lost my son Jeremy. i was 19 1/2 weeks, so he was technically miscarried, not stillborn. it might not seem like a big difference, but apparently because he was a few days too early to be considered stillborn, i barely got to see him, let alone take pictures. they allowed me no more than 10 minutes alone with him, and even that was only after a fight and threatoning to sue. i secretly took a few pictures with my cell phone (which was soon damaged and the pictures lost) because they would not allow me to take pictures of what they considered medical waste, and hid my phone so they wouldn’t know. it took until the next day to get the placenta out and because of unrelated health problems i bled a lot, but the night of the 10th they sent me home. i was devistated to leave without my baby boy, but i had no choice. the local funeral home heard what happened and volunteered to pick up his remains and donate a coffin, though i still had nowhere to bury my son. we finally found a spot out in a field where the owner would let me lay my son to rest and visit when i wanted. it has been 4 years, 16 weeks since i lost my son, and i don’t know how to let it go. i have my daughter, born before Jeremy, and two boys born after, my newborn having been born this February, exactly 4 years and 1 day after his brother passed, and i still can’t let go. i think about what he would look like and who he would be. i don’t know what to do.
Serina,
I find that “medical waste” bullshit. & I’d be kicking someone’s fucking ass for calling my son “medical waste. Excuse the language, but that’s one thing you never do. Mess with my kids. Fucking assholes. They’ll get back ten fold. Ugh. >:/
I’m so sorry for your loss babygirl. Just know that we all understand &that we are all here. Add me on facebook if you like, i posted my story here as well. Read if you like. <3
-Hope Owings
I would just like to say how sorry i am its a hurt that i did not know so many people have,my son was stillborn on 10.5.2010. It was a normal healthy pregnacy just like my other 2 boys no problems not even morning sickness, i was really enjoying this pregnancy as it was to be my last so i took advantage of it,as in i didnt do anything stranuous my hubby did it all and i was enjoying it,he was the most active boy out of the 3 of them,i enjoyed every movement every kick, i said he was going to be a hand full,something we where all looking forward too. Untill the day i got transfered to another hospital 3hours away from home because he was breech at 36wks and the small hospital at home did not do breech,so off we went pack us all up for a 3 or 4 wk stay. The day i got to this hospital the wanted to do an ecv to try and turn him and after a breif discusion with the doctor we agreed, but to our horror it was not what it was exsplaned to us,we where told gental movement by the doctor but what happened was alot of down force on our tiny sons head,his head got forced down into my organs and i cryed out in pain,the doctor stopped and left and said id be fine having a vag birth as i had 2 big boys before him and he was only 6pound 8. I got monitered for 30min after and all was fine,but in the weeks to come i started getting sick and high temps,didnt feel right at all,contractions and at every doctors appointment i got told it was all normal,at 38wks i was in unbearable pain i rang hospital twice and got told it was normal for a breech baby and to take a panadol;e and go to bed. My last appointment i was told he had a good strong heart beat but it was only listened to for 3 seconds but i had faith in the doctors and listened to them. $ days later i rang the hospital again saying i went to the tolet and it stung alot to pee and i had green stuff comming out of me, they still wouldnt take me in so i said i hadnt felt him move for a day or 2 just so they would take me in and cheak me, but i was told not to hurry id probly be sent home,i called my husband and we went straight in, but nothing could of prepaired us for what would happen next, the mw couldnt find his heart on the monitior but they had trouble with those before so we wernt worryed, but then the portable ultra sound machine didnt pick it up, but we where told that sometimes they cant pick up full term babys hearts so we got takin down to the 3d scan and the lady there said words we will never forget, sorry your baby is dead,. i broke down and could not even walk they wheeled me up to the birthing sweet and my husbaned asked what do they do now and they told us we had to have him natral, it was the worse labour knowing he was dead,i held him in hoping that it would change but i cryed to my husband its not going to change is it and he cryed no so i deliverd him in one push, i was still hoping the scan was wrong i was rubbing his heart just hoping it would work but he was gone for too long. There was nothing wrong with our boy he was 40wks plus 3 days nothing wrong but the back of his skull was crushed inwards, we belive it was the doctor trying to turn him that caused that as i had no other acidents or bumps and he was never under my rib cage, his placenter also was dead it had stopped working the day of the turn as he was born 6 pound 8 he never grew in 4 wks. Our little boy was a fighter he fought for his life for 4 wks untill he could fight no more. He was and is a very loved little boy and will be in our hearts forever and we still have to wait 2 months for the autopcy results to find out what happened but it will never bring him back to us and its a hurt that will never die.
Louise,
I cannot believe a doctor could be so careless… i’m so sorry for your loss… did you sue?
I posted my story as well. I hope you find strength & hope. In all the chos of your pain. & sorrows.
-Hope Owings
I am so very sorry for you Louise, I felt your pain as I read your story. It was if I was there as I had been “there” as everyone on this post. Hope would have been 21 this coming November and although time has eased the pain, as you said its pain that will never completely go away. Just remember you have an angel watching over you and your husband and sons, talk to him I talk to Hope, I cry to Hope.
I wish I could say something to make your tears go away but in reality I can’t, so cry when you need to and take time to grieve. Hopefully you can have another baby. Hope was the last for me because I could not get pregnant again and it was not the way I wanted to remember having my babies it was not meant to be for me. I honestly think had I had another baby it would have eased the pain tremendously.
I am sending you cyber hugs
VeeLynn
Serina I am so sorry for your loss, it doesn’t matter how many weeks he was you still wanted him and loved him & every day you carried him you visioned a baby not a funeral.
In order for your little angel to have peace you need to focus your love on his siblings and always talk to him it brings me an inner peace to talk to my angel, she is watching over me and her siblings as your little angel is watching over you and yours. Send him love for now it will give him peace and knowing you will one day hold him will bring you peace as well. His spirit will live with you for eternity, a mother’s love never ends.
Wishing you strength to overcome the pain and get to the place where you can feel happiness once again & lots of hugs
VeeLynn
hi my name is emma im 21 years old and i have 2 baby girls .about a month ago i lost a baby i was only 5 months gone .now i carnt have any more ill never feel the same again .and he was a boy just wot i wanted .all i ask my self is why me why did it happen to me .
Hello Emma
I am very sorry for your loss. It is hard to make sense of something so very devastating I know as all of us do on here. Somehow we all have picked up the shattered pieces of that day. What got me through was looking at the two little girls I had before I lost my baby, I looked into their eyes and knew I had to pull myself together and be a Mom to them. I basically threw myself into being the best possible Mom I could, it not only helped me but at the same time it also helped them because they had their Mom back. Life does not seem fair at times but we just have to focus on what we are blessed with and you have two little girls that need you. We have to accept that our babies were not meant to be in this lifetime but always know you have an angel that watches over you and the girls, talk to him, until the day you can hold him in the next life.
Time will heal but time never makes you forget, it dulls the senses and the pain. We have to heal ourselves through diversion, diversion being focusing on gratitude for what we do have.
You will feel happiness once again Emma, just give those little girls all the love you can.
VeeLynn
I had my still born on 1-13-07 she was born 2 days before her due date and she was 5lbs 4 ozs her name was mya and the day after i had her was 1 year of being marred so on that day i planning everything for the babys service so i hate every new year that comes…I feel that life will never be the same
well i could not help it i was looking 4 something else when i saw this well i started looking at it and i was thinking i am not the only one who has had that terrible pain from losing a baby… iwas five months pregnat with twins every thing was going real ly good doctor visit were good ,just found out one was a girl one was a boy we were so happy babies were on the way my youngest son was 8 years so we were glad we were pregnat.one morning on october 15, 2007 i had heavy bleeding i went to then hospital and they run all kind of test everything look good until i went for an ultrasound 20 minutes later the doctor comes in and tells me mam im sorry but none of your babies have a heart beat that was the worst thing a mother to be wants to hear i was heart broken trying to find answers that were not there but now i know i am bless that i have two little ANGEL IN HEAVEN waching over us i thank god for everthing and i am so sorry for everyone that has had that pain of loseing a child.
Anna I am so sorry
I too have had this except I never got to hold my angels my body reasorbed there bodies and so now I have nothing bu the ultrasounds to hold onto I am thinking about creating a memory garden her twin brother will greatly miss her too.
Catherine
Catherine,
Your body can reabsorb the baby’s body? How is this possible? Could this be what happened to my son? Is it traceable?
-Hope Owings
So, here’s my story…….. My darling son Nathaniel would have been 24 years old this coming Sept 2nd. He was not stillborn, but he was a sick baby and only lived 4 days. It felt like my heart was broken…I actually felt pain in my heart…it’s very hard to describe. Even after all these years, not one day passes that Nathaniel is not in my thoughts at least one time during each day. As I sit here at my computer, I can see the little musical ceramic baby carriage that holds his ashes. A precious moments angel lays on top of his ashes. He’s always with me. It’s comforting. Although I only had him for 4 days, I wanted him for my lifetime. It’s true, your life changes forever, but it does get easier. (a little)
>>>>Now, fast forward to July 19th, this year. My 28 year old daughter delivered a stillborn baby girl. My first grandchild, a beautiful granddaughter Brookelynne Rae. As the tears flow down my face as I write this, I now feel double pain. The pain I feel for my sweet daughter for losing her daughter and the pain I feel knowing that my daughter will have to endure this pain for all of her life, as I did. So very sad.
>>>>>My final thoughts for those who “believe” and those who may not. There is a reason for everything that happens each second, each minute, each hour of each day……. and one day we will all know the answer to that big question…WHY? My Love to All… Patricia
Hi Ladies,
I to had a stillborn his name was Ty he would have been 21 this December. He was due on the 13th and my partner always told people he was due on the 12th he thought the 13th was unlucky how right he was.
Two days earlier mentioned no movement all said baby slows
done before birth so didn’t worry. The next day was my last check up. The doctor took one look at me and saw something wrong, he sent me straight to the hospital and met me there he hadn’t said to much and I prayed all the way saying this was not happening to me and tried to keep positive, but not long after arriving they had no choose but to tell me there was no heart beat. Ty was born 2am on the 12th.
It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through, my heart
still aches 21 years later. I don’t need to look at the photo I have ,I see him very clear with the little rose bud lips.
They could never tell me why, no reason they could see just one of those things they said.
I felt like somebody had cut my arms and legs off . I could not find a support group to talk to. The people around me didn’t understand stand what I was going through so I do feel what you are going through and I cried with every story I read.
I buried Ty between my mum and dad so he would’t be frightened . They will look after him until I get there.
I tried to have another child but due to complication on two occasions I knew it was not possible and I accepted it.
I live with Ty in my heart. Love to you all.
i read all of these stories and am still in tears, i have a beautiful daughter that is 5 years old and a wonderful son that is 4 years old, they were both born emergency c-sections at 7 1/2 months, my daughter was born perfectly healthy, my son was a twin up until 5 months when i lost his brother, my son was delivered 2 and 1/2 months later and had to be resusitated. I then had my daughter that would have turned 3 on Dec. 12, 2010, she lived for 2 hours and 47 minutes before making the decision to take her off the machines, she was born at 6 months, i have had several misscarriages as well, so i had my tubes tied and then had an ablasion done due to health problems, i found out a few months ago that i was almost 4 months along with twins, and a few weeks later found out they were identical twin girls, we were all so excited because i was so healthy and my babies were doing so well, it was the first healthy pregnancy i had ever had. I went in for my 7 month ultrasound on Nov. 22, 2010 and found out that both of my daughters had passed away, i had fallen about a week before this but thought that everything was fine, but my fall had damaged their placenta. Livea Ann was born Dec. 2, 2010 at 8:17 p.m. and her sister Lilly Marie was born at 8:21 p.m. we are now having their memorial service on what would have been our daughters 3rd birthday if she had of made it. Although it hurts so much right now i know that we all have 3 precious angels watching out for us, and that one day i will get to see and hold my daughters again. My heart goes out to all of you and your families.
I remember very well my sons pediatric cardiologist telling me after he died that I was better off because he died so young and that I really didnt know him yet. he was 6 weeks old when he passed. Others told me I could have another one, or just be glad you have your two girls. People have no idea what to say and the inherent fear of child loss causes them to shun you and stay away. My son Dane would be 29 years old now and Im sitting here crying my eyes out as I write. You do manage to forge ahead and laugh and enjoy life but you are cetainly changed forever. I still cry when I see a mom holding her infant, or watching her son play soccer or a million other moments NO ONE else could ever imagine unless it occurred to them.
I was reading your story, and i also start to cry, i am SO VERY sorry for your loss. but know that your son is in heaven, and you will be with him again someday! i truly believe that!
Tanner doesn’t look dead in the picture. He looks like he’s only sleeping and what a beautiful baby he was and I know youll see him again if you believe. I truly wish you never had to go through this and how you overcame this tragedy is inspiring. I know you will always miss him until youre reunited with him but hopefully it wont be much longer. God bless.
HI I M KAVI ……………..I READ ALL THE STORIES WRITTEN ABOVE …….FEEL SO SAD ….I MYSELF LOST MY LOVE ..LAST YEAR WHO LOVED ME A LOT………..HE DIED DUE TO BLOOD CANCER .I MISS HIM A LOT ……HE WAS MY STRENGTH ..AFTER HE PASSED AWAY I LIVE LIKE A DEAD .I AM FED UP FROM MY LYF……THERE IS ONLY PAIN IN MY LYF…HE WAS MY LYF………I CANT THINK OF ANYTHNG …….MY ALL DREAMS FAILED………………………………HE CALLED ME CUTIE PIE…………HE TREATED ME LIKE A BABY .NOW NO ONE TAKE CARE OF ME …………..I WANT HE SOULD COME BACK TO ME …….IN ANY PAOSSIBLE WAY…I LVU HIM…………………………………………………………………………
[...] The busiest day of the year was October 7th with 495 views. The most popular post that day was The Birth of My Stillborn Baby-Part 10. [...]
[...] a surprise, William offered to create a forever photograph of our stillborn son. My husband and I often replace Tanner’s photograph in his memory garden due to fading from [...]
Hello to everyone on this site which I just found, I lost my son Perry, 30 years ago.. the pain and sadness will always remain I will never forget him ever. I light a candle on his birthday every year (2nd,February 1981). I am not as fortunate to have a photograph or hand /foot print like they do today was never asked to have any of these things only a vicar who gave blessings over us which we asked for!. To this day his little face is in my mind with his little blue bonnet on his head laid in a cot with a flower placed by his hand such a perfect little boy. Never got to hold him no guidance from the hospital staff I dont have a grave to mourn they just took over…. God bless my darling little baby boy I will hold you one day and kiss your cheeks and tell you how much I miss you like I do always every day of my life, until I see you in heaven.
Tina
This site is wonderful. I can relate to not getting any emotional support from the hospital staff. I think when you had your baby and my baby will be 22 this year or I should say would have been, the nurses and doctors were not trained to deal with emotions they were zero comfort. I resented them, I felt they were cold and calus but honestly looking back I don’t feel they honestly knew what to say to us it was if they thought by not talking about it, would in some odd way make us heal quicker. Each time I read about someone losing a child it still makes me sad but I know she is getting a comfort we never had by being on this site. Just being able to talk to someone about the loss is a load lifted because you feel no one understands..but on here….well everyone understands and feels for you because we have all been there sadly.
I too light a candle on Hope’s birthday every year…I also remember it like it was yesterday.
One day Tina we will cradle them in our arms again, until then they are our little angels watching over us.
God Bless
VeeLynn
[...] Cremation —The reduction, by direct flame, of the body to its basic elements. Some facilities will provide this free of charge for early pregnancy losses and stillbirths. [...]
I lost my son to, and we dont know how to take his death either. Jaden was our first son as well. No his umbilical cord was not around his nick so we dont know what happen to him. I just want to know how did you get over your lost? What helped you get throw that stage?
James,
It’s not easy. Honestly, you never get over it. You’ll blame yourself. Especially your wife/girlfriend. You can add me on facebook if you’d like to talk, or email me to ask questions. I posted my story as well if you’d like to see where i’m coming from.
-Hope Owings
I lost twins on Feb 21 well I found out that day they were gone and the D&C was on the 23rd. I don’t know how to say good bye to them and I hurt so bad. I miss them soooo much!!!!! Then to make things worse my husband left me 1 week after they died. He said it was my fault they died. How can I ease this pain so I can move on with my life? Everytime I walk past their nursery I cry. HELP!!!!
Lorrie I am so sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine losing two babies one was hurtful enough.
Your husband blamed you because he needed to lash out he’s a man and men can’t cry or they feel they aren’t living up to what this world has set for guide lines for the male race. He doesn’t blame you Lorrie not really. If you love him forgive him, you need each other more than ever right now.
The pain is something that eases with time but never completely goes away. My daughter died in 1989 and I still cry every year on her birthday….
Try to look at it as you have two little angels watching out for you, they are where they are meant to be and we have to accept that part of life, its not fair, it hurts, but our job is to keep them forever in our hearts and know they are where rainbows never end and sunshine keeps them warm, until the day you hold them in your arms….
I am so sorry Lorrie for you , take your time to grieve, get some counseling its too much to endure on your own
VeeLynn
Lorrie,
No offense. But your husband is an idiot. It’s not your fault at all. Things like this happen, & we can’t explain why. All we do is ask why. Easing the pain is accepting that you were not at fault. That God had a different plan for your children. Maybe, He was saving them from pain to come. Maybe you, but you have to forgive yourself. You didn’t DO anything. It’s NOT your fault. You HAVE to accept that, or your pain will always hurt this much. Talk to me in anyway you can.<3
-Hope Owings
My first nephew is stillborn and yet to be delivered. He was due 9 days ago. I am devastated and numb and confused. And dont know what to do. I want to be strong for my sister but dont know what to say or do. I have 2 girls of my own and feel guilty and undeserving. If this is how much pain i feel, what must she be going through? I dont know where we should go from here. Any advice would be appreciated.
Thank you all for sharing your story.
Sisi,
My advice is. Hold her. Let her cry as much as she needs to. Comfort her in anyway you think would help. Tell her God was proctecting them in a way that she could never understand. But that she needs to accept that it’s not her fault & that God has a plan for everyone & everything. Contact me if you need more advice ir have questions.
-Hope Owings.
Sisi- My sister delivered twins this morning. One was stillborn and the other died shortly after birth. I, too, am amazed at the pain I am feeling, as their aunt. I think we have to grieve, too, just like our sisters do. I also have two children and I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child. I can’t stop crying and I can’t stop thinking about my sister. What can we do- for ourselves and for our sisters?
This poem has helped me remember where my twins are I hope it helps others as much.
I HAVE A PLACE IN HEAVEN
Please don’t sing sad songs for me,
Forget your grief and fears,
For I am in a perfect place
Away from pain and tears…
It’s far away from hunger
And hurt and want and pride,
I have a place in Heaven
With the Jesus at my side.
My life on earth was very short,
As earthly life can go,
But Paradise is so much more
Than anyone can know…
My heart is filled with happiness
And sweet rejoicing, too.
To walk with God is perfect peace,
A joy forever new.
Tanner is beautiful and I am so sorry for all the stories of loss that followed Tanner’s story. I lost my twin boys on 2/2/11. I am devestated and cry for my babies as well as all the other lost little ones.
My daughter’s baby is due this Sunday, May 22, 2011. I’m beginning to get scared for her and for her wee baby boy, which is why I googled “stillborn babies”. Your stories have been helpful, but I cried through every one. The mothers and fathers getting through their grief the best seem to be the ones who understand Jesus, and that His atonement is not just for sinners, but it is for you, to comfort and heal you through the gift of His holy spirit.
My own mother lost her first child as a stillborn. She had to carry her baby girl for three weeks knowing she was dead. Then, when she finally delivered, they put her in a hospital room with two other women both there to deliver healthy, living babies. My mother didn’t want to worry them, so she never told them hers would be stillborn. She’s told me how hard it was to be in a room with two women constantly talking about their excitement to have their babies, and then their families and friends visited them and brought gifts–so hard for her. Also, while she was in the hospital, her sisters went to her home and took apart, and took away, everything in the nursery my mother had prepared for her baby. Then, it was so hard for her to leave the hospital empty handed, and to come home to her empty nursery.
Eventually, she had a miscarriage, then my brother, then me, then another miscarriage, then my sister who could not breathe for ten minutes after she was born. She has cerebral palsy from a medication the doctors gave my mom.
Despite all the difficult times my mom went through, she is loved by many. The thing I remember most about her is that she always had an ear to listen to anything I had to say. She learned great patience and always put it to use for good.
Thanks for listening. Your stories have prepared me in case our little grandson does not make it. I know he will be an angel in heaven, as you have all declared.
Much love to you all for sharing your hearts and souls.
Diana,
I lost my son Joshua Aiden at five months in October of 2009. Weird. It seems a lot closer than that. I can’t really recall what happened that night, i had blacked out. I was under so much stress, i’d been kicked out of my violent house &away from my twin brother & loving mother. &lost a guy i truely cared for, Then kicked out again from my grandmother who i was sure would help me in the terrible situation that i was in, but i was wrong. Wondering why i was in such situations?
I’m fifteen years old, & got pregnant at thirteen. I was staying at a friends house & she had some guys over& i barely knew one of them out of the three. She had wanted cigarettes, & was two years older than me with a bad addiction for nicotine. In other words, she’d do anything for them. I had got a text, from some guy named R****.
He wanted to see me, &i had no clue who this guy was. But he had cigarettes, &her parents weren’t there, sooo.. she invited him over. She ended up walking down the road with two of his friends & left me there with him. Something she’d never live down. Long story short, he held me down. &i laid there terrified. Unmoving. Scared of the consequences..
My friend came back as he was finishing. She saw him on top of me, but wasn’t sure was she saw. When they left,i told her. She held me & we both cried. She’s been through it before & she couldn’t believe that she left me alone with him. I called my boyfriend who i had just gotten with a couple days before. It was a sketchy relationship. He was leaving that morning to Oklahoma. I told him & he thought it was just a reason to see him. But he said sorry just in case. I was crushed.
Four months later, my abusive step father beat me one morning before school &i couldn’t stop crying. CPS was contacted & i went to my grandmothers for a month. But during those four months i told my step Aunt what happened. She begged me to tell my mother… i finally did, but not the whole story, I knew the guy. I didn;t tell her simply because i didn’t want anymore drama. I wanted it to be over. She bought be a three pack of pregnancy test & i took one.
I sat in the empty tub, waiting & holding my breath. Negative. I exhaled. I was relieved at first. But then felt like there was something not right. I shrugged it off &went on about my way. It had only been two weeks. I should have known it wouldn’t be accurate. I kept the other two ,for the future. I planned on taking one in about two – three weeks later. But i was with my grandmother, preoccupied with other things. But then i began noticing, i was eating more & i had been putting on weight.
I tried to stop. But it hurt my stomach if i didn’t… & i’m not talking about days. I’m talking about a couple hours. Then i started getting nauseated in the morning. But not throwing up. Just really sick & light-headed. Little did i know, my grandmother noticed too.
I knew i was pregnant, & i hated it. With every fiber of my being, until one day in history, my stomach hurt, really bad… i grabbed in subconsiously &i felt something.. I frowned & confusedly touched my stomach again. Multiple… kicks? It was then i realized why there was movement in my stomach… I was pregnant. Like. Really pregnant. I thought maybe i was just paranoid. But i really was.
But since then, that moment. I fell in love. Somehow, evem then. I was convinced that he was a boy (and i was right.) I began holding my stomach constantly & singing to him. & i would stay up at night & sing “Your Guardian Angel” by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. (Listen to it. (: ) I thought days over his name. &it finally came to me. Joshua. My first real best friend & crush/love when i was like eleven, lol. Joshua. & Aiden i name i loved & adored. It was settled. Joshua Aiden.
I was scared to tell my Grandmother, but i thought out of eveyone i know, she’d be the one to protect me. I thought so very wrong. She did something that i never thought she would do. Cuss me & kick me out.& lie to my mother about why. I mean sure, i was glad she hadn’t told her, but she made me out to be an impossible child. I was distrought.
On top of all that, my step dad refused to let me come back. & he said if i did, he’d leave my mother. I didn’t want to do that to her. So i moved in with my dad… & i guess, in the midst of all the stress, i lost him.
I can’t even remember what happened. Not the day. Or where he is. Just the month. & all the blood… sooo much blood…. i still cry when i’m in the baby clothes or formula isles. Or being around babies, i’m deeply sadened. Some days, i can hold it in. Others, i can barely stand it.
Til this day, i miss him something awful. &i wonder how different, how better my life would be. Some say it’s a blessing. I still don’t see it that way. I need my son. I want him. I can hardly even understand why i’m still here sometimes… but i want you to know that i feel your pain. & i’m happy that you got to see him. To remember his face… to have something like a memory & a picture of him… you’re very lucky in that way… I wanted you to hear my story. I hope it helped you heal some.. hearing yours, helped me some. <3
– Hope Owings.
Thinking now, as i went back & read all the stories. I have new therories as to what happened to my son &new ways of seeing why it happened. I think he was being protected by God, held close to Him. & he saw that he was in trouble… so he saved him. I cannot tell you all how you have healed & comforted my heart. I feel more at ease as i type this. i’m no longer crying tears of sorrow, but of joy.. i still hurt, but you have all eased my pain. I hope that i may have eased someof yours. <3
With all my love,
-Hope Owings.<3
I feel for every one of you. I had a baby boy on June 2, 2011. He died inside me on June 1st, I was 31 and a half weeks pregnant when my water broke, the hospital wanted to keep me pregnant til i was 34 weeks, i had zero amniotic fluid and didnt produce any after that. I tried to tell them something was wrong and they just didnt listen, i was told everday that everything was normal, so when he was born is cord was wrapped around him 3 times and through his legs aroundthe top of his head it pulled skin off when they removed it. It was the most horrifying day of my life. I feel for every one of you the coping is so difficult, i cry everyday.
Nhora
I can feel all the pain everyone here have gone thru. In 2006 I lost Samuel Isaac at 19wks due to my adenomyosis being active when i was pregnant, on 2008 i lost Marizza Faith at 3months early fetal demise at 2010 i got pregnant and everything went smoothly, so my hope and dreams was sooooo much, i did everything i can to protect my baby but fate is not with me, I lost my baby Kingsley Aron recently 2 days before my due date. I went for final u/s on May 30 because my c sect is supposed to be on June 1, 2011 but to my surprise the gyne told me that my baby was no heart beat. I was sent to the hospital immidiately but my cervix wont open even if i was induces. To make the story short i went thru c sect. Going home without the baby i was hoping for is like a nightmare that you cant be able to wake up. Its like a dreams being crushed or perhaps no other words to be able to describe how i feel or we all feel. Now as i read all the stories here im a bit relieved because at least now i know i am not alone. Im already 40 and not so sure if i can be able to bear another child, i prayed so so hard for a child, Still hoping that our good lord will grant my wish and prayer….
Nhora
Words can’t describe how very very sorry I am for your loss, I know each of us on here feel your pain…
somehow know we all care, I find a certain inner peace for my loss as we all reach out to each other.
Keep faith as hard as it may be right now, don’t ever lose your courage to try and never lose your faith that you will deliver that healthy baby…faith its all we have in this world that no one can take from us
I came crossed this website while googleing still born babies. I have read all your stories and I feel for you considering I just lost my daughter at 39 weeks, less than 2 weeks ago. I have two children, Caleb 6 and Noah 3, this was my little girl that I had wanted for so long. I had a normal pregnancy, all tests, ultrasounds, blood work everything was normal through my whole pregnancy. I put on bed rest at 32 weeks because of my cervix softening and starting to dilate. The doctors told me that I had to keep her in until 36 weeks. I made it to 37 weeks and was considered full term, I asked them to please induce me and they wouldn’t. I went to my 38 week check up and her heart rate was lower than normal for her, since my 1st appointment she ranged between 145-148 beats, at 38 weeks she was at 137 beats. I said something to the doctor and they stated she was fine normal heart rate is between 110- 160 for babies. This appointment was on a Wednesday. 4 days later, on Sunday I had lots of pressure in my back, I thought it was the start of back labor. I called the doctor and got an appointment to be checked the next day on Monday. On Monday, her heartbeat was 158 beats and I said something again and they told me she was fine and I was still only 1 centimeter dilated. I had been loosing my mucus plug and dilated to 1 cm for 7 weeks. They told me at this appointment if she didn’t come within the week, I would be scheduled to be induced the following week. I spent Tuesday cleaning and preparing everything I needed to finish getting done because I knew she was coming very soon. Tuesday night I realized I couldn’t recall the last time she moved because I was so preoccupied all day. I knew she moved but couldn’t remember when. I called the doctor and got an appointment on Wednesday, 39 weeks. I tried everything in the morning to get her to move, I laid on my left side, drank something cold, ate breakfast, ate a Popsicle, and couldn’t get anything not even a flutter. I knew something was wrong. I had both of my children with me and the nurse hooked me up to the monitor and couldn’t get a heartbeat. She then got the doctor and she couldn’t get a heartbeat. They then moved me to ultrasound and she told me there was no flutter of the heart and pulled a second doctor in to confirm. I asked if the cord was around her neck and she told me that something like that can’t be detected from ultrasound. I had to be induced and deliver her. I was checked again and was 3 centimeters. She broke my water at 1:04 pm and Brianna was here at 5:14 pm. I knew it was a cord issue, I told them the whole time while in labor. My baby girl was born still with a true knot and the cord wrapped around her neck 2 times. I was in shock, I couldn’t believe this was happening. At first I felt peace knowing she was ok and I had an answer why because most people don’t get their answers. Now, I’m mad, did the doctors ignore signs of stress when her heartbeat fluctuated so much in a 5 day period. Could they have saved her? I know its been 12 days and all this is still fresh to me, does anyone have any advice to overcome this? I feel lost and don’t know what to do with myself. I miss her so much and just want her back. Brianna was perfect in every way. She came out still pink and was beautiful. She was 5 pounds 8 ounces and 19 and a half inches long. 7/20/11 was the worst day of my life. My baby came and left so soon. If anyone has any words or advice it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading my story about my daughter Brianna and letting me express my feelings. God Bless all of you.
Jodi
22 years came back to me in an instant as I read your message. My eyes are filled with tears just knowing the pain you are experiencing right now.
I too lost my baby at 40 weeks, she had a true knot in her cord and it was also wrapped around her neck.
I am so very sorry for your loss Jodi…
I pray you will be able to have another little girl, I never could I tried for years and it just wasn’t meant to be. I had two little girls when this happened.
If you need to talk please email me at home dover217@bex.net.
God Bless you & talk to her, I still cry on Hope’s birthday even after all these years, never got over it really…Her picture still hangs on my bedroom wall….just wanted that baby girl so very much.
I am so so sorry for you
Veelynn
Hi I am truly sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. Sending lots of love and understanding to you. You will feel better and smile again I promise. My only son, (had 2 daughters allready) was born 9 1/2 lbs. Gorgeous handsome baby boy with a full head of hair. I didnt know anything was wrong with him so I let them tie my tubes. In recovery they called me to say he had heart trouble. He died six weeks later. I know the pain and suffering you are going through. People act different, maybe ignore you. I’m so so sorry.
i too knw the pain of loosing a child,my son Thato **means Will, s in thy will be done** he was born perfect on 06/08/2011,bt was still.he was my everythng,my world,my heart.now i dnt knw hw 2 carry on wtht him.i dnt want 2 replace him bt i desperately want another child nd really really hope 2 have 2 sons *twins*.i hv photos of my boy bt my family dnt thnk its a good idea 4 me 2 keep on looking at them so i dnt even knw where they put the camera.i spend most of my days in bed or watching tv,i cnt brng myself to eat ‘our’ fav food,thato nd i loved food so very much nd nw i dnt evn eat.i delivered him thru c sec nd cnt stand taking baths,its toture,this used 2 b our time 2gether,i wud tell him my hopes nd wishes 4 him,why did u give up on me Thato,why cudnt u hold 4 jst 2 more weeks my dear one,i miss you so much nd with my due date coming i dnt knw if i’ll make it,i cn barely make it 2day.
Woah this blog is great i love studying your posts. Keep up the good work! You realize, many persons are hunting round for this info, you could help them greatly.
i’m writing this comment for all the parents around who has lost a child, sorry for your loss.
A few months ago i had a son, he’s now 4 months old.
And ofcourse we’re all affraid during our pregnancy that there’s something wrong, but for some parents, the nightmare comes true..
I wish you all: strength and love.
And i truly believe there will be a day you’ll see your childeren back in heaven!
You are so strong.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
i lost my baby at 39 weeks and 6 days 3 yrs ago on the 4th of july 2008 it sadens me still i have nightmares terrors and cry a awful bloody lot!! i miss his so dearly and wish he was here with me now!!!
I am so sorry for you Joanne, time is the only thing that seems to ease the pain. You never forget, never….I lost my baby full term also, she would have been 21 this past November, I still cry for her every year, I have her picture framed hanging on my wall, she is my little angel. I could never have any children after her, its a very sad way to end what would have been one of the happiest days of our lives..I feel for you and every mother on here that has experienced the same hurt.
God Bless all of you
V. Dover
Hi,
I know its been 2 years since you lost your little one, and I can imagine the pain still resonates deep within you. I say this because I too lost my little girl 2 weeks ago on the 4th of may at 33 weeks, and am absolutely devastated!!
I had a pretty simple pregnancy physically up until that sad day ofcourse. I had been going through a rough patch emotionally, I lost my mother 2 months ago, and her death, like my little angel was quite sudden!! I had hope that although the year had started off on a bad note things were going to get better, after all we had this little life to look forward to! We had decided to name our daughter after my mother, and her second name was thapelo (which means prayer) we are south african! My husband and I are still quite young, I’m 26 and he 28 and we have an older daughter who is 3. We struggled to explain the loss to her, we told her that she was in heaven with her granny, but she doesn’t understand why they won’t ever come back! We also find it somewhat offensive that most people keep saying you’re still young, you’ll have many more. I understand people want to comfort us, but I feel no other child can replace her, cos if that were the case, her older sister would be able to fill that gap, I mean she is another child!
So I ask people who have gone on to have other children or perhaps found themselves dealing with it one way or the other to help me through this. Tell me how you were able to cope, I am completely gutted!! I am also dreading the day I have to return to work, I am a ninth grade teacher, and I’m dreading the thought of having to explain what happened to my learners! I’m just not ready, I’m dealing with it yes, but not very well!!
From a mother who has lost her heart