I used to think everything happened for a reason before my son was stillborn. I am guilty of uttering those insensitive words, “Everything happens for a reason”. I remember them rolling off my tongue to my uncle whose new grand baby was born with a terminal illness.
This phrase “Everything happens for a reason” is now non-existent in my book of sayings. Whoever started this was apparently without compassion. The phrase still lingers in today’s society without batting an eye. Once you are faced with a tragic death of your own child the world around you is an enemy for a time.
We are good parents, we have so much love to give and we desired to teach our children how beautiful the world is. It isn’t fair that people are having babies and ultimately neglect them. Why do they get to have perfect and healthy children and we are denied? What would be the reason for this?
My much wanted child died before he could see me with his own eyes how much I loved him. The reason he died was a cord accident and I do not think God intentionally tightened the cord to cut off his oxygen supply. This is not a perfect world and accidents and tragedies occur completely out of our control. We do not have much control anyway.
“Time will heal” is another saying people provide after the death of a baby. I don’t believe this either. I believe it is what you do with the time that mends our broken hearts. After Tanner died I drank heavily everyday for a good month. If I continued this ritual I would have self destructed and become a woman with the only indication of being alive- a heartbeat.
I like to think that because my son became an angel I have become a better person. My heart is filled with much more love of the physical and spritual kind or the visible and the unseen.
The play has been written but we can change the perception of the audience by sharing our love for our angel babies in heaven, whatever the reason was. They are our children.
Peace Love and Hugs from Above www.justacloudaway.com
Diana
Hi Diana,
I ask the simple question, “Does anyone die for a reason?” My child was 20, just 2 weeks before his 21st birthday, and I will always wonder.
You’re right, so much happens out of our control. It doesn’t make it easier, knowing that. It just makes it, what’s so.
My son saw my eyes for years. He lived a very full life with us. He left for unknown reasons, and from unknown causes. We’ll never stop wondering what happened that night.
Three days before the last night I saw Owen, I went to the funeral of a stillborn child. I was devastated at the thoughts running through my mind. What must it be like to never know your child’s laughter, the touch of your child’s fingers on your face, the smile you hope to see upon returning home? I couldn’t imagine. One never can. I only knew then, that there was a hurt bigger than I had experienced, and it belonged to someone else, someone with whom I worked and did not know all that well. I looked in her eyes, and saw something I hoped I would never feel. Yet, I thought I might, someday.
Then, I felt it. And, I knew the loss I had seen in plain sight. I miss my son’s laughter, the touch of his fingers on my face, his smile upon my returning home, and so much more.
I pray that you will know the precious gift of children in your future – if not your own, then those who come into your life to bless your nurturing heart. I am so fortunate to have known and loved Owen Riley. I will think of Tanner among our many angels, and I will hear him laughing.
Linda
Linda
Thank you so much for sharing your son Owen’s story with us. I know so many parents that have lost young adults and the pain of loosing your child affects every part of your being.
You are in my thoughts as you walk the journey of grief and healing with so many parents who love their children.
Peace Love and Hugs from Above
Diana
Dear Diana
My wife and I had a full-term, still-born son. He was to be induced on Monday, my wife stopped feeling his usual soccer kicks early Sunday morning.
You know the pain, anger, denial, etc. that we went through. Unlike you, however, I have come to terms with the idea than nothing happens by chance; that their no coincidences or happenstance; essentially all things happen for a “reason.”
I’m not sure the exact, or all, the reasons my son died. I am sure that I am a changed person because of it. I am sure that I truly began to seek God after it. I am sure that I am a much better father, husband, doctor and person because of it. If my son’s passing was in some way designed to provide these gifts for me (and my wife, and my kids, and all the people I know and love and treat) than I am grateful for it. I’d give it all up to have my son, but I am grateful for the experience.
I do believe that we see events that occur from our human perspective; we believe we know what we want is best for us at that time. Much like a child believes what they want at that moment is essential and necessary, even though as a parent we see from a broader perspective that it may not be the best option for them at that time. So God sees from His perspective, which is infinitely greater than we can fathom. So Jesus, before He was tortured, beaten and crucified, asked His Father to let Him avoid all of that if possible. However, if it was necessary, than let Him be able to endure it.
Some would say that I’m rationalizing and justifying what is obviously a “random” act of happenstance. Well, maybe. Then again, maybe not. I’m going to roll the dice with God knowing what He’s doing, despite my doubts.
I just went to my cousin’s son’s funeral yesterday. He was 4 months old…..
peace
sean
hi im sammii
i have 3 misscarrys and im very upset i no im only 15 but that not the ponit i love kids and my ex keeps hiting me and i been pregnot 3 times and he has hit me for that but now me and him are over but im scard that my new bf is going to do it i got a lil boy now and he is so sweet i love him so much i do anythink for him
Now im happy that my son is happy but i am still upset about my 3 misscarrys only if i can start all over agen but my life have been shit im in foster care and my mum and dad kicked me out wen i was 13 coz i was pregnot and i had no were to go but now im going to do my bested for my kid.
And i hope everthink is ok and my kid will not go to foster care like me im going to give my kid what he needs.
Thank you