Nurse Tara asked me when I would like to start pushing because I was now fully dilated. She was so kind and showed such compassion that I was able to choose the approximate time Tanner would be a stillborn angel. This was about 2 in the afternoon and I don’t know why I said 3pm, but that is the time I chose.
All of the medication made me sick and I had to vomit. It came fast and hard. The small kidney shaped bowl is what my husband reached for but I kept pointing to the garbage can saying “bigger”. Nurse Tara was quick to understand and got the can to my mouth before it came.
Nurse Tara went to telephone the Doctor about the 3 o’clock labor time. The hour went by slow and my heart was beating so fast. I wanted him here, yet I did not know what a dead baby would look like. Within this hour I did ask Nurse Tara what will we see when Tanner is born. She said that the lack of oxygen might have turned his coloration pale and his lips could be crimson in color. The skin will be very fragile and may have torn in some places depending on how long ago Tanner died. This information was also provided in the literature she gave me earlier in the day. My husband and I agreed to have Nurse Tara take Tanner away when born to clean him and prepare us for what we might see.
2:45pm and Nurse Tara wanted to check my cervix again before the doctor arrived. She asked my family to leave except for my husband and mother-in-law. My mother-in-law and I are very close and she asked me if I wanted her to stay since my own mother could not be there. I was so glad she offered.
My father-in-law, girlfriend and husband’s aunt and uncle said goodbye. They kissed and hugged us like it was the last.
When Nurse Tara pulled up my gown to check on progress, looked at me, tilted her head and said “Tanner is here”.
Peace Love and Hugs from Above www.justacloudaway.com