Grieving Parents-What Not to Say

Your baby is in a better place. It was God’s will. Heaven has another angel. You are still young, you can have another. There was probably something wrong with it, you wouldn’t want a handicap child. Everything happens for a reason.

The last statement is a big one many bereaved parents of pregnancy and infant loss struggle with. Honestly, I did believe that before our son Tanner was stillborn, but I don’t anymore. Does God allow other children to be neglected, abused, raped or murdered at the hands of another because there is a very important reason? I believe God knows the pain and grief we will endure after these horrendous acts, but does not intentionally inflict this upon us. This is not Heaven and we will suffer here. It is how we deal with the grief that allows us to walk in the sunshine again.

After the death of my son, someone offered me their insight. “Diana, I think babies have a choice before they are born if they would like to stay here with us or with God,” they said. I was in shock and the statement didn’t register with me until weeks later when I was sober again. They meant well, but how could that statement offer me comfort? I wanted peace, comfort and my stillborn baby back. Then I wondered why Tanner wouldn’t want to stay here with me. I know I had faults but I would love him with all my heart. I started to second guess myself.

At the time of Tanner’s death, I had several landscape jobs in the works. It was a few months after Tanner’s passing when I needed to collect payment from a client. She asked me to come in and her 9 month old was crawling around on the floor. I could look at babies, but it was still painful inside. My client then asked me to watch him while she went upstairs to get the check book. This was the same women who attended Tanner’s memorial service and left early because it was so painful. Was she thinking about how painful watching her living baby was for me.

I was obsessed with Heaven and seeing Tanner again, asking all my friends of different religious denominations of their beliefs of the afterlife. My girlfriend stated that we won’t be able to recognize family members, but we will know them. How scary that was for me to hear. I love her dearly, but there was no comfort from that statement.

If you are a bereaved parent and have additional comments that could educate supporting family and friends on statements best kept unsaid, please do below.

Please be considerate and tender during this fragile time. Here are some ideas for you to help your bereaved friends in their time of grief.

Peace Love and Hugs from Above  www.justacloudaway.com

Diana