Not only does the season effect bereaved parents of pregnancy and baby loss, music may also provoke strong emotions associated with their sweet children. Even before the stillbirth of my son Tanner, I am very moved by the melody and lyrics of certain songs that touch my soul.
Do you remember the songs playing on the radio about the time your little baby became an angel? Did you purchase a music cd to play while rocking your precious baby to sleep? Was there a certain song sung or played at your child’s memorial service, funeral or memory garden dedication? Are there holiday carols ringing in your ears department stores played when you were grieving the loss of your baby?
Yes, to all of the above.
I purchased a lullaby cd months before Tanner was born. I pictured myself holding him in my arms while he fell asleep listening to the soothing songs and rocking him. I will listen to this cd when I feel like crying or am just in melancholy mood.
Tanner was stillborn September 28th and I can remember 2 songs that played over and over again on the radio. “My Immortal” by Evanescence and “Fallen” by Sarah McLachlan. My cries started from the depths of my soul and by the time they reached my exterior I was exhausted and needed to sleep. I could not compose myself when these songs played and also have a difficult time today.
Ave Maria is a beautiful song included on the lullaby cd I purchased just for Tanner and me. I would play this song over and over in anticipation of cradling my son in my arms. A church member also sang this for me at Tanner’s Memorial Service and I was so touched.
Christmas was only 3 months after Tanner’s death and I remember hearing “Mary did you know” being sung and had to walk out of the church. I am the emotional type anyway with everything on my sleeves for all to see, that’s me. When the death of my first born child sits on top of my forearm and a song reminiscent of him is played, my sadness can be read a mile away.
Annie Lennox is a musical artist and was the lead singer of the Eurythmics back in the 80′s. I loved her music because it was so powerful. I had no idea that the song “Angel” was for her stillborn child. When I was a teenager I didn’t care about anything but myself, let alone a musician whose child died. How different things are now. If you listen to her singing this song “Angel”, it is truly from her broken heart.
The music, the lyrics, the song titles that bring you and your baby together are another element to include when scrapbooking or creating keepsakes remembering your baby in heaven.
What are the songs that bond you and your baby?
Peace Love and Hugs from Above www.justacloudaway.com
Diana
I recommend the song “Glory Baby” by Watermark
Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..
You were growing, what happened dear?
You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…
Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do
Sweet little babies, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…
BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…
this song is so nice and reminds me of my son/daughter
I might have to download some of these songs.
I have listed all the songs I love since Abigail died here
http://livingintherainbow.com/2009/11/20/stillbirth-songs/
Perhaps the best is Still by Gerrit Hofsink
Thank you for sharing these special songs with us. The term “best” is all relative to our individual situations and experiences.
Peace Love and Hugs from Above
Diana
of course best is never a sensible word for such things! and taste varies too
Some great songs here – in the end I downloaded “glory baby” by water mark, “My Immortal” by Evanescence and “Fallen” by Sarah McLachlan.
All great songs so thanks for bringing them to my attention.
Peace and a bright future to you all
I have to say Goodbye to my baby…. my husband doesnt want him so i have to get an abortion and im goin crazy…i have to firgure out a way to rip out my baby without ripping out my soul… I SO DONT WANT TO DO IT M=BUT I CANT GO AGAINSNT MY HUSBANDS WISH… IM SO NUMB MY EYES R CRIED OUT AND IM LOST
Jessica,
Please don’t do this. So, many people are desperate for babies. I just delivered my stillborn son on Dec.7 and I don’t think that I will ever be the same. If your husband loves you, then he should at least consider allowing you to adopt this baby out. If he refuses, then I would reconsider my marriage. A man that would make you give up your child is not worth staying with. You will always resent him and never heal from having to abort your baby. I am praying for you to make the right decision. Please let me know what happens.
please get him to reconsider i am a mother of 2 boys my youngest son was a stillborn i delivered him last august and losing a child is the worst pain a mother could ever feel and no mother should have to go threw that pain if you do something like this your life will never be the same and it will be full of what ifs and if ur husband wants you to have a abortion then why did he have sex with you without protection just please please try to consider the alternitives there are many couples out there that cant have children and would love to have one
Jessica i had an abortion too and it was the worse thing i had ever done, it happened 6 months ago and my due date has just gone by and my heart just don’t let me forget about my baby alex. i hope your ok after you done it and that it don’t hurt to much! i know it took my heart with it when i had to get an abortion. I’m only 18 and know i just want Alex back or i want a baby. it was the worse thing that i have ever done and i know i will never tell anyone to go ahead and do it, i done it for my boyfriend and i was wrong to do that. people should never do anything for someone else at least something this big! i hope you thought it through even more and decided to do what was best for you! I resent my boyfriend for making me do it and i miss my baby everyday and i cry everyday thinking of him/her and it kills me! i love my son/daughter and i will always be a mother nw even though i dont have my child here with me
jessica,
i am not a mother nor have i ever lost a baby, but a very good friend of mine had a boyfriend tell her he didnt want her baby and she aborted the baby. she wishes she hadnt done it and she hasnt recovered from this she still cries and wishes she could take it back this abortion happened almost a year ago. i may not know you or understand what you are going through jessica but i can tell you that if you are pregnant it happened for a reason and this baby was meant to be born. please dont put yourself through any more grief then you have already endured. there are better ways to go about this. i hope you do what makes you happy and that you and your husband can find a different solution.
No man, is worth chosing over your child…born or unborn! my partner of 3years didn’t want me to have our son either, I left him… that was 10 years ago now and having my son was the best decision i made…
i’m sorry to be blunt but if your husband cares about you at all there is not a chance in the world that he would even consider this option, and if you have any self worth you would not do this just because he wants you to….
please put yourself and the life of your baby before the thoughts and feelings of ANYONE else …
please dont do that. my son dies two days after his bith three months ago. i am 2 months pregnant now and here crying missing my son soooo much. their are families that cant have children that would give any baby love., not death
wow, i couldn’t even imagine. i lost my son on November 17th, 2009. and i didnt get to even hear him cry! that hurts so much you have no idea! im soooo sorry.
Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton was played at my Son Connor’s service. It is so emotional song for me. but i love it so much. My Son Connor was born still but yet born an angel. At 39 weeks he was born an angel.
[...] that the scents of the season, colors, music on the radio, the landscape, the ambiance of the month will all attribute to the memories etched into the minds [...]
[...] that the scents of the season, colors, music on the radio, the landscape, the ambiance of the month will all attribute to the memories etched into the minds [...]
To anyone out there who is pregnant, Please dont let yourself get stressed. Im 17 years old and my name is Chelsea, My baby girl Jordan was Born April 6th, 2010 (2 months premature.) and I lost her May 6th, 2010, because I took her off life support …. If i kept her alive she would have never been able to come home with me, she would have had a breathing and feeding tube so i would have never been able to hear her first words or anything. The doctors told me I had a ripped plasenta because i was over stressed, So please dont let yourself get over stressed I dont want you to go threw the same thing I did
[...] Music, Memories & The Death of a Baby March 2008 15 comments [...]
Thank you so much for sharing. My secind child Landyn was born Jan 21, 2010. He passed away 3 months later on April 24, 2010. With a total time spent at home being maybe 3 weeks tops. He suffered for a long time before loosing his fight. Tomorrow Landyn will have been gone for 1 year. I am trying to update my page for him on a mom’s website I am a member of. I have added a few of these songs, and would like to share the ones that I just sit and bawl to.
Plumb-In My Arms
Plumb-God Will Take Care of You
Plumb-Always
Selah- I Will Carry You
Selah-You Raise Me Up
Phil Collins-You’ll Be In My Heart
Mark Shults- He’s My Son
almost all these were played at Landyn’s service.
To all the mothers that have lost a child I am deeply sorry. My son Preston would be 2 yrs old sep 10 he passed away 5 days after he was born. He had Trisomy 18. The doctor said it was the worse case she has ever come across. She didn’t say he had a chance. Though we knew no child that has Trisomy 18 makes it to a year. He could never smiled, cried, I never fed him as he was fed from a feeding tube. The hardest thing any mother has to do is bury there child or even looses a child. I have 3 healthy children that i love dearly. Never take life for granted love you children every sec of everyday you never know how much longer you have with them.
Im 18 n i was 3 months pregnant when i had a misscarrage..it is the hardest thing ive ever had to go through and the most painfull….the father didnt want anything to do with me or the baby so i made a silent promise to love my baby twice as much so it made it twice as hard when i lost him or her i dint know what gender it was n my ultrasound was sceduled for 5 days after i misscaried and had to have surgery to have it removed! I feel so empty now i wish i had my baby back…so for anyone who is thinkin about abortion think about the people who want children but somthing happened so they couldnt have theirs!
this is a beautiful song that i listen to in my quiet time to remember my niece who passed away from a brain tumor at age 12. its a very beautiful song sung by a beautiful voice.
i hope you enjoy this song as much as i have
wow i have just read through all these comments. i am so sorry for everyones lost. my brother and sister in law just lost there son this past Monday during the birthmother csection. it was a horrible time for all of them. They have wanted children for over 8 years now, and it keeps slipping through their arms. I am just praying that one day God will bless them with all the children they have lost.
Having myself lost my beautiful daughter at birth only 1 month ago during labour at the hospital (September 2011). She was ‘born asleep’. after 41+4 weeks. We are still not sure ‘why’ but she was beautiful and perfect. Many questions are being directed at the hospital which makes our suffering only so much more difficult. A perfect pregnancy it was the most beautiful experience I was ever to be blessed with. It was truly the happiest time in our lives.
Having read so many other’s comments I wanted to share with other grieving parents a song I get some comfort from in these darkest days of our lives. I God bless you all in your future. The song is by “Bliss” – “A Hundred thousand Angels”
Bliss – “A Hundred Thousand Angels’
I am so sorry for all of the women and couples out there who have suffered the loss of their babys. My situation is slightly different but no less painful. I hope that no one is angered by my post because it is truly a difficult situation for me. Im 19 and I lost my baby at 11 weeks and 2 days. I lost her by having aborted her though. I had to; there was no way out of it. Her dad wanted to keep her so badly. He was so excited when I told him but then I broke his heart when I told him what had to happen.
I miss my baby so much. I feel so empty and alone without her now. And although it was too early to determine the sex, I completely believe in my heart that my baby is a girl. And me and my boyfriend, against the advisment of others, named her. Her name is Ella Claire. And we still talk about her, we talk to her in Heaven, and we still refer to her as our baby. We call her our Angel Baby.
Everyone told me it was stupid to name her or even think of her as a girl but, theres no way I was going to think of her any other way. We bonded with her. My boyfriend would rub my belly, and rest his head on my belly and listen to the sounds and talk to her. It was the sweetest thing.
Even though we didnt get to really experience our pregnancy, it was still the most amazing thing. Me and my boyfriend created a baby; a precious, delicate life. And that is so incredibly beautiful. Its a miracle.
So I do understand the loss. It hurts me every single day knowing what I did. But it just wasnt the right time for me. Im not at my best right now and I didnt want to bring our baby into anything less than the safest, happiest and most perfect home. And some day, we will bring our babies home. And we have our Angel, to look after and protect our babies in the future.
I do not think of my pregnancy as a mistake or an accident. I think of it as a bittersweet blessing in disguise. And me and her daddy miss and love her so very much. It takes everything I have not to fall apart everyday. Being pregnant is one of the most amazing and beautiful things in the world. And its hard not to feel disgust and shame toward myself for ending our daughters tiny, but beautiful life.
If I die young by The Band Perry
This is a song that really touched my heart after I lost my baby. Some of the versus are supposed to seem like they are written by a child who has passed and are being sung to her mother. I have always loved this song, but when I became pregnant and after I lost her, it became more than just a good song with lovely words. It became a message from my daughter Ella. I really cherish this song. And I cant listen to it without becoming emotional.
My Girl by The Temptations.
This is another song that connects my soul to Ella`s. Its a much more upbeat and happy song. Again, Ive alway enjoyed this song but the words took on a whole new meaning after Ella. The song is obviously a man singing to his girlfriend, but if I push that fact aside, it becomes a song about My baby girl. I cried the first time I listened to it after she passed but now, the song makes me smile and it prevokes pleasent and beautiful memories for me.
Another one is Angel Baby by Rosie and the Originals.
This one is from the 50`s. Its a really great oldies song. Like the previous one, it is a song about a relationsip, but for me its to my baby. Me and my boyfriend refer to Ella as our Angel Baby and this song just reaffirms that. This one gets me a little choked up.
I really wish I had some songs actually about children to share. Ive written down some song titles from this website that I intend to listen to with my boyfriend Cameron. If someone could give me some more songs about babies and children that we have loved and lost, I would greatly appreciate it. I need some more things to include in my, figurative memory basket if you will. I love listening to the meaningful songs that, like somone mentioned earlier, connect us to our beautiful Angels.
Someone like you by Adele isnt a song I include in my collection of Ella`s songs but I do love it for other reasons. My purpose for including it in this list is because there is one line that I never really noticed until I found out I was pregnant. When I finally realized the line, I immediatey broke down. It goes
, and my daughter, and keeping her memory alive, is extremely important to me. I love so much writting and talking about her. I hope no one is upset by my lengthy posts and I hope at least one person reads them to completion and can relate and find some kind of comfort in my words. They are very thought out and meaningful to me.
“ who would have known how, bittersweet this would taste“
This really hits a nerve for me because bittersweet describes my entire experience in one word. It lumps everything together, from finding out about our pregnancy, to the ultrasound pictures I received and that Cameron holds very tightly in his heart, to every memory we have. Its sweet because she was our daughter. We created her with our minds, bodies, hearts and souls. I had a beautiful baby growing inside me. Thats just incredible to me. And its bitter because, right from the very moment that I even thought there was a possibility I could be pregnant, I knew what had to happen and I knew what her fate would eventually be. I tried not to be happy about it but, there was no way I couldnt be. I became a mother that day. I had another heartbeat, who depended on me, to keep strong. And it was impossible not to bond and create a connection with her. I am an extremely sensitive, emotional and spiritual person and, I bonded with her everyday. I couldnt detatch myself and my emotions from her. I cant do that in any area of my life, and especially not with my own child. Being as spiritual as I am, there is something I like to say. I say that me and my boyfriend created a fragile and precious life together, and our bodies may have played a role in that process, but she was conceived through our hearts. God knows how much we love each other and how solid our union is and he honoured and humbled me by choosing us to be blessed with the miracle of a biological baby.
I am sorry for including such a long post in my song list. I know I again posted my story in the wrong place on the website. Its just that when I start talking about something that is important to me, its hard for me to stop
I had my son August 21, 2011 at 22 weeks. He had Hydrops caused be Trisomy 13. At my 16 week ultra sound we found all this out. My options were to go to a clinic or wait until I went into labor on my own or wait till his heart stopped. I waited, thinking that MAYBE he would defy the odds and beat this. But he had so many problems. He had heart defects, cysts, extra fingers and toes and was paralyzed. I carried him for 5 and half months and NEVER got to experience him kicking. I went in to hear his heartbeat and it wasn’t there and I was admitted into the hospital and was in labor for 3 days. I spent 3 days waiting to give birth to my son, knowing I’d never hear him cry and when I finally had him I held him for the rest of the night. He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen. He was perfect. It’s December 13, and my due date was December 24. This will be the hardest holiday to go through. And I don’t know how to even begin to handle it.
I recommend reading my brother-in-law’s blog about his precious baby daughter, who had many defects due to 2 different chromosomal mutations and passed away at the age of 26 days. Every situation and every person’s grief is unique, but his open-ness and honesty about his feelings from beginning to end may be healing for you.
http://mabeecolwell.weebly.com/index.html
My sister also has a blog that she started a couple months after her daughter’s passing.
http://www.seekingjoy.weebly.com
I was just putting together playlists and I always make one to remember my little nephew Nathan. He was 20 months old when he passed. I’ve never felt such pain in my entire life as I’m sure most of you reading this will agree. I was googling songs when this site came up and all I have to say is, whoever is the creator of this…GOD BLESS YOU. I’ve never came across such a simple blog that was filled with so much love.
Music. A universal language. And the first language I learnt to communicate with my son.
See, from the moment I could feel him kick within me, I realizd something. My baby loved music. And so I would take note of what he loved n play it 4 him later.
I couldnt wait 2 hold him in my arms so we could enjoy the music together. But it was never ment to be.
I hav always loved music. Always. And there’d been lots of songs i’d heard over the years n I used to think, what pain. What sadness. I could never survive the loss of a child.
One of them was Glory Baby by watermark n Still, by Gerrit Hofsink. Little did I kno just how much these songs would minister to me at the lowest points of my grief.
Over n over I played them. For they spoke what I felt. What i didnt know how to say out loud. Those two songs, and Keep Holding on by Avril Lavigne kept me going.
But the song I love the most, the song that keeps memories of my precious Jabali alive, is a song he loved to bits. He’d never sleep withot listening to. Carribean Medley by Donnie Mclurckin.