Even with the oxygen mask on my face, I felt like I was suffocating. “We can’t seem to find a heartbeat, so we are giving you some oxygen,” said a frantic nurse. “Sometimes the baby likes to hide and we can’t always hear the heart right away,” another nurse mumbled. I was frozen in my own body. In my heart I knew he was dead because in all of the previous appointments, Tanner’s heart beat was very strong.
The sonogram techician rolls in her machine and all the nurses cleared the way for her. She was a young girl with short blonde hair and slender build. I don’t remember her even saying hello to me or my husband. My guess is that she was previously informed that this could be a very grave situation.
On went the cold jelly upon my protruding stomach for the instrument to slide across and find my son’s little heart. I do remember the 2 previous appointments with sonogram technicians and they did not hide the screen from me. This woman positioned the monitor so we could not see Tanner.
I was so scared and felt so helpless. I truly wanted my mother with me at this point. She was tucked away in the warmth of her bed not even knowing that Tanner was coming and not knowing the thoughts in my head. She couldn’t even be there if I cried out for her, living 700 miles away.
I know all through these tense moments my husband didn’t even know what was really happening. He did not accompany me to my prenatal appointments, so he most likely thought this was the norm for having a baby. I had that damn mask on my face that prevented me from talking to him so I used my eyes instead.
Peace Love and Hugs from Above www.justacloudaway.com
Diana
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The Birth of my Stillborn Baby- Part 2
My daughter was born on a cold March morning 29 years ago but I still remember it like it was yesterday. I was in hospital as she was not due for six weeks. When my water broke the nurses hurried in , they then came back with the sister who tried to find my daughter’s heartbeat. She could not find one . Half an hour later she silently came into the world and was rushed away to be resuscitated in vain. Ayoung docter then came back to break the news that they had been unable to get her to breath even although she had had a heartbeat. The nurses broke the news to my husband when he came to the hospital.
After I went home the house was the same but everywhere there were clothes we had bought.When we registered her there was no place for a name,and no certificate almost like she did not exist but she lives on in our memories.