Some time after the stillbirth of our son Tanner, we were invited to a Pro-Life ministry meeting. The members of this group specifically asked us, knowing we had suffered a loss. I suppose they were curious about obtaining a different perspective on the issue. My husband and I went to the meeting with some anxiety, not knowing what to expect, for my life is touched by abortion.
I was approximately 7 months pregnant with a subsequent child, another little boy. We were kindly greeted and shown to a couple of chairs around a boardroom type table. The issues were very political and did not appeal to the right side of my brain. I felt my thoughts drifting and could not focus. My husband and I did not contribute one word until they discussed where the year end party would be held.
As the meeting came to a close, a friendly woman approached us introducing herself. She happened to be a deacon’s wife. That title meant she was a good woman with good morals and probably knew how to speak kindly to others.
The deacon’s wife said she was sorry about the loss of our baby. I said thank you. She then looked at my pregnant belly and asked how far along I was and what the sex of the baby was. I told her it was another little boy. She then says with a grand smile on her face, “So this is your first baby?”. Did I hear what I think I heard coming from a deacon’s mouth? I just told her that we had a stillborn baby. I didn’t hesitate to make her feel as uncomfortable as possible for that appalling statement. Am I in a Pro-Life meeting? Doesn’t the meaning of Pro-Life recognize and acknowledge every little embryo as a precious life? Not only did I have a precious embryo, I held mine, took pictures of him and had him cremated.
I don’t think there was 1 minute of silence on the drive home from this abominable meeting. Granted she meant no harm, but considering her position it was a very inappropriate statement that warrants a post on my blog.
Online Pregnancy and Infant Loss Support sites have compiled long lists of ridiculous comments, statements and advice from those that haven’t a clue. Most are excusable because we don’t want anyone we love to know exactly how much it hurts to loose a baby.
Please don’t mimimize our deceased children or us as parents of angels. The love lasts for eternity.
We never attended the year end party or another Pro-Life meeting.
Peace Love and Hugs from Above www.justacloudaway.com
Diana
