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Archive for February 14th, 2008

tannersign-c-d.jpgThe first hands that touched my stillborn son were that of an angel. The entire 12 hours I lay in wait for the arrival of Tanner, a soft voice, never more than a whisper guided my thoughts. For privacy sake, I will call her nurse Tara.

I was shuffled off to the third floor when we knew Tanner would be born dead. The second floor was for all the happy people. Not only did we get the privilege of better views from our window, a beautiful white rose taped to our door indirectly saying “they had a dead baby”.

I quickly bonded to the nurse on duty and I didn’t want her to leave my side. She would make everything better for me. I did not realize her shift would be up in a couple of hours. I felt alone and betrayed. How could she walk away from me now? We have shared so much in the last 2 hours. This nurse would be relieved by nurse Tara, who was God sent.

drawing-c-d.jpgNurse Tara never spoke loud, she stayed by my side and she laid the first hands on my little angel Tanner.

They decided to induce me with pitocin instead of unnecessary surgery. 12 hours of waiting for this drug to do its thing. These 12 hours were filled with all sorts of emotion, but nurse Tara never left me for more than a few minutes. She gave me everything I had asked for and she so kindly would press my button releasing more pain killer into my system. So sweet, she was not wanting me to feel an ounce of physical pain.

All of this medication made me so sick that the garbage can had to be used twice. After several hours, nurse Tara asked me when I would like to start pushing and I specifically remember saying 3 o’clock.

My husband and I were now going to start the process in hopes of seeing our baby for the first and last time. Nurse Tara went to call the doctor and then came back to check my cervix. When she lifted my gown, she looked at us and said “Tanner is here”. My heart is fluttering because I will never forget the look on her face. So incredibly sympathetic.

Beforehand, she made us aware of what he may look like, preparing us mentally. I was afraid, so we requested that the nurses clean and dress Tanner before we held him.

There is so much more to Tanner’s birth, but this story is about nurse Tara. She remains our friend and attends our living son’s birthday parties with her family. We get together at least once a year for lunch to discuss our family lives. Tanner has given me this gift of a new friend and nurse Tara has given me a warm and tender memory of Tanner being born still.

tanner-pic9-c.jpgShe also made sure to take several pictures of us holding Tanner, like this one. Isn’t he just a perfect little angel.

We love you always nurse Tara and I hope all bereaved parents of stillborn babies are treated so tenderly as we were. You are an angel.

Peace Love and Hugs from Above  www.justacloudaway.com

Diana

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