The Season your Baby Has Died and Became an Angel
February 13, 2008 by diana gardner-williams
Not only is the date of a baby or child’s death an emotional time for bereaved parents, also the season. Anxiety is usually present long before the tragic angelversary. The colors, the temperature, the amount of daylight, the landscape and possibly the holiday (songs and music playing on the radio) that are associated with the infants passing. Early pregnancy losses may even be overlooked by those surrounding greiving families.
Christmas is reminiscent of my girlfriends miscarried baby, Valentine’s Day is reminiscent of my girlfriend’s stillborn son, summer is the season of my girlfriend’s ectopic pregnancy, springtime is reminiscent of my girlfriend’s aborted baby of 15 years ago and autumn is reminiscent of my stillborn son’s death.
It is never expected for others to know the intense grief of loosing a baby or the altered vision as a family together, just acknowledgement of pain and their sweet child. Maybe you thought about your child playing with mine, maybe you thought about sharing toys and clothes, maybe you thought about another grandchild attending church with you, maybe you thought about hanging another stocking for them, maybe you thought about having another niece or nephew to buy presents for, maybe you thought about just loving another child within the circle of your life. Ignoring death can lead to hostile feelings because in a way, the choice has been made to minimize their baby. Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness is gaining momentum, but we have a long way to go. The month of October is not only for us, but also Cancer Awareness, sometimes overshadowing our babies. Many pink ribbons are distributed, but when you see a pink and blue ribbon, babies are remembered too.
Our seasons are just as important for remembering our children no longer with us. Every autumn is bittersweet for me. I was pregnant soon after the death of my son with another boy. My living son and my deceased son’s birthday’s(also my husband’s birthday) are 2 weeks apart. I grieve first for my angel, I then must prepare for my living child’s birthday party and hayride.
I am not looking for closure and I am not looking for sympathy, I am looking for acknowledgement of my deceased child that has blessed me beyond words. Don’t be afraid to mention his name. Yes, a tear may fall, but it would mean so much. If you don’t have the strength to do so, include his name in the cards you send me, please.
If you send a sympathy card or “Love Memorial™”, think about the child’s season too. Beautiful seasonal images can be incorporated into scrapbooks and memory gardens for babies gone too soon.
Peace Love and Hugs from Above www.justacloudaway.com
Diana
my Baby James’ Birthday is the 28th of this month and I’m sure feeling all of the above…big hug!!