I can’t believe the incredible experience of Retrouvaille this past weekend. My husband and I have grown apart in the last 2-3 years and didn’t think our marriage was salvageable. There was little hope in staying together. I felt the love was gone because we were so disconnected from each other, that we were strangers living under one roof. I strongly recommend this beautiful experience of hope and love for any couple having difficulty communicating or other problems hindering growth together to avoid divorce.
In 2003, our stillborn son Tanner held our marriage together because we were able to share a very strong emotion as a couple. This emotion was not our choice, it was just the way our life was playing out. Something or many things contributed to our disconnectedness. Work, finances, spirituality, time or a lack of respect for each others feelings have torn us apart. There are no third parties involved, but I can see how others may find comfort elsewhere when you are living with a stranger.
My husband and I would avoid talking altogether because we knew an agrument were only words away. Being defensive, being critical, being revengeful and always wanting to win the fight was my motto. I didn’t care how I was going to win, just determined. My husband would clam up never saying anything to my hurtful words and accusations, which only infuriated me. I felt sick, nauseous and empty after this heated time together.
For the past 5 months I have been keeping a journal and listing everything I hated about him and every little detail that pissed me off. I thought this was going to be theraputic because I intended to let him read the words when I was finished, if ever. After this weekend I decided to burn these pages and cannot believe I could keep such hatred in my house and that I would get any satisfaction in hurting him. Didn’t God forgive us for everything we have done? By no means am I a saint or perfect. We were created in His image and God doesn’t make junk, which was stated at Retrouvaille. My husband was created in His image and it makes sense now.
We as a couple are 2 individuals, but we can grow together as one. I want the love that other couples have, I want to grow old with him, I want to share my feelings with him and I want to have our living child grow up in a home full of love.
Retrouvaille started on a Friday night and by Saturday night we were transformed. The weekend ended after mass late Sunday afternoon. We will attend 6 post sessions in Raleigh. The food and ammenties were excellent. We listened to couples of all ages reveal their pain and their renewed love. IT WAS SO MOVING. A priest was an integral part of the weekend too. Father opened his heart letting us know he is only human too. I was amazed at his candor because I never thought men of this social position go through similar situations.
Retrouvaille is a french word meaning Rediscovery. This is what truly happened. They never turn anyone away for lack of funds and are a non-profit and international organization. The website is http://www.helpourmarriage.com/.
It was scarey coming home for fear of reverting back to old ways. We went to pick up our son at my inlaws only to find stress kicking us in the face. 60 mile per hour winds blew away our 10×10 shed and ripped off some of our roof shingles, we had to think about getting our broken car to the shop and scheduling a babysitter for the next 6 sessions of Retrouvaille. After we collected our thoughts and were in bed we decided to make time completing an exercise we learned on our weekend. We connected and talked even though we were both filled with anxiety. This time together sharing calmed me and gave me a sense of much needed peace. We can get through this together.
My husband and I are going to start fresh and incorporate everything from Retrouvaille into our new beginnings. I love my husband and my marriage is worth saving. We will make time for each other no matter how busy our life gets. I am looking forward to learning about this man who I now want as my best friend and soft place to fall at night.
Peace Love and Hugs from Above www.justacloudaway.com
Diana
Dear Diana,
We want you to know that we will be praying for the renewal of your marriage. May God bless you abundantly and give you what you so richly deserve.
Love, Josh and Roz
Dear Diana,
That is so beautiful! I would like your permission to put your blog into my quarterly Newsletter. I am actually working on the newsletter right now. I would be more than happy to e-mail you a copy if you would let me use this.
Don & I were so honored to be part of your presenting team this past weekend. We will continue to pray for the healing that is going on in your marriage.
My God Bless You Both!
Love,
Don & Dianne
Diana,
What a wonderful testimony as to what Retrouvaille can do to show you how to heal your marriage. You worked hard and you deserve happiness. We look forward to seeing you this weekend.
It’s stories like yours that make it all worthwhile. You are in our prayers.
God Blessings and Grace to you both,
That was so beautifully written and filled with love and hope for the future!
Diana:
I cried when I read your letter, I have prayed for you and your husband and the power of prayer is awesome.
It is much harder to stay in a marriage and make it work, walking away is the easy way out and I’m so proud of you both for taking this step and getting such wonderful results.
Remember, treat your husband as you would a friend, amazing how much better we treat our friends when our husbands should be the most important FRIEND in our lives.
Continue the good work, SO HAPPY FOR YOU BOTH.
LOTS OF LOVE,
Sally
Diana,
I appreciate your sharing about the Retrouvaille experience. You and your husband are in my prayers.
Yes, marriages are worth saving. I’m happy to have been part of the weekend along with the team couples and the other participating couples.
I put my website. It’s purpose is to promote a book about my forty years in Hispanic ministry. The book does not refer to Retrouvaille, but does speak a bit about my own struggles. I’m glad you discovered priesta are human, too!
Fr. John Lavin
Diana,
I am praying that your marriage will be rediscovered.
Blessings to you and your husband.
davin
We send our love and congratulations on having made the decision to truly commit to your marriage from the Retrouvaille community in Silicon Valley, California.
Like you, we were on the brink 2 years ago. The Retrouvaille program, our own hard work, and the support of our community has pulled us through. We still have a lot of work to do.
I encourage you to stay committed to the program, to do your daily dialog religiously, and to be patient with each other and with yourselves. Change takes time, but it is possible with the decisions to love, commit, forgive (oh that’s a hard one!), and to trust.
May you be blessed with a happy lifetime together!
With love,
I am so very proud of both of you! love always, Aunt Tricia
[...] On top of this I was going through a deep depression, our marriage was suffering and I wanted a divorce and our new home was being built. We had to live with my in-laws for 3 months during construction [...]